Husband’s avoidance of divorce is about money he owes you

My husband left our home in 2009; he’d been cheating with our neighbour two doors down. She’s 13 years younger than him and has a young son. He left one Sunday morning with a duffel bag and never returned. I learned about the other woman a month later.

Alot of lying went on. He only said that he wasn’t happy, comfortable or content. He moved in with his mother for one year, lived with his cousin for one year, then lived in a friend’s trailer for another year. The two then bought a house together, which they lived in for one year, then a hobby farm for one year, and are currently on the move again (now 20 minutes away from my home). This woman previously broke up a family with two little girls. She married the man and they had a son together. Their marriage collapsed . . . her husband was cheating on her. My ex stopped putting money into our joint account in 2011. I work parttime and had to consult a lawyer, as my income couldn’t cover the bills.

We have a court separation agreement, after two years of him avoiding meetings and not getting necessary papers to his lawyer. He stopped all communication with his mother the day he left her home. He’s had no communication for six years with our two sons, now ages 23 and 25.

He’s not seen his 3-year-old grandson.

I wrote his lawyer twice asking for my ex to divorce me. No response. He started this and got what he wanted, yet won’t move forward with a divorce.

I’ve not met anyone, but I want to close the door on my marriage. I despise this man and have no feelings for him. I now believe he was also cheating with other women during our marriage.

We’re only bound by a piece of paper. Disgusted With Cheating Ex

It’s about money. Once the divorce is final, all other financial matters related to the marriage have to be settled.

This can mean a division of assets such as house, furniture, other property, etc.

Get your own lawyer or a court clinic lawyer to look at the details, and tell you what applies in the jurisdiction where you live.

It’s very likely he’s avoiding having to pay up what you’re legally owed.

However, making sure you get what you’re entitled is important for your own needs and those of your sons. My husband and I have two kids, ages 5 and 7, who love their similar-age cousins.

My husband’s sister and her husband live in another city and sometimes meet us at a vacation spot.

But my sister-in-law and her husband are very lax about routines. When their kids get hungry and overtired, they’ll delay all four with something like candy floss and we’ll have four hyper children to handle.

I’ll know it’s time to quickly come up with a proper meal or nap break. But they’ll over-discipline with anger and taking away favourite things.

How do I tell them that their parenting style is ruining our time together? Frustrating Family

Lead by example. Plan your day with mealtimes and breaks. Even on a beach vacation, you can leave for an hour of lunch and rest away from the crowd.

When your relatives’ discipline methods make you uncomfortable, walk away and take your own children with you.

Before the next planned vacation, communicate ahead, gently. Say that your children need routine to be good company. Tip of the day When an ex avoids a final divorce settlement, follow the money. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.