Elizabeth and William
Elizabeth is a 34-year-old fashion-industry professional who lives in Little Portugal. She says, “I’m a curly strawberry blond, kind of athletic and very into changing up my style.” In her free time, she says, “I love being part of a book club. It’s partly an excuse to drink and partly an excuse to try reading an actual book.” Elizabeth also likes to hang out with her colleagues, host people at her place for game nights and hunt for one-of-a-kind vintage pieces. She says, “I love to do different things around Toronto in the summer, because there are always amazing things happening.” I met William at a speed-dating event. My friends and I had been talking about how we weren’t being very successful meeting guys who were actually datable.
We had all been online a lot. We decided to try speed-dating and someone found a coupon for a speed-dating event, which we took to be a sign. We all went together. At the event, each dater had a few minutes to spend with each person. By the end of the night, my friends and I had been on what felt like a million dates.
The idea is that if you and a guy report that you liked each other after a speed date, you’ll hear back from them. I was trying to be open-minded, so I checked off a couple different guys that I thought I might like to see again.
William was my first pick. He was handsome and seemed really calm and casual. He also seemed to be taking a genuine interest in me, which was really sweet.
A few days later, he emailed me to ask for my number. He asked me if I wanted to go to a bar down the street from his house and in his email he referenced something we’d talked about on the speed date. After that, we texted a lot and even had a phone call that lasted about two hours. I was surprised that a speed date might lead to an actual boyfriend.
However, after all of the texting back and forth, I wondered if we were ever going to go out on a real date. I thought I’d be bold, so I texted him on a Friday night asking him what he was up to. He texted back that he was doing “nothing” but that he would “never” hang out with me.
I wondered, was this his sense of humour? Sometimes texting, especially in the early stages of dating, can be tough. I didn’t even know how to respond, so I didn’t.
A couple of days later, I received a voicemail apologizing for his last text.
He said he’d been joking and that he regretted it. He said he really wanted to take me out to dinner to make up for it. I realized that it must have taken a lot for him to apologize and realized that I’d often gotten myself in trouble because of miscommuni- cations. It started to seem like less of a big deal.
That day, William texted that he was stuck at work and suggested drinks at eight that night, instead of dinner at seven. I had a microwave dinner and waited around to leave. William picked a bar near his apartment. When he came in, I gave him a big hug. He told me I looked beautiful. I had a feeling in my gut this night was going to be really special.
He talked about himself a lot and didn’t ask me any questions. He seemed as though he was more into himself than me. He also talked about sex non-stop and told me how many women he had slept with and what he was into.
The date felt more like a long confession or a monologue about his life. He clearly didn’t want any type of relationship and was just looking for someone to spend the night with.
After two hours of not being asked a single question, I said, “Maybe we should just get the bill.” When it came, he said “You owe $15.”
I said “Sorry, what?” I pointed out that he had invited me to dinner, but he said “Come on, pay up.”
I could feel the anger rising up in my body. This guy asked me to go to dinner, switched the date to drinks, gave me his entire life story and wants me to pay $15? “Let me tell you something,” I said. “Never in my life have I been told that I owe someone for a date. I always offer to pay. But I refuse to pay for my beer because you said you would take me out.”
I don’t know who this woman was who came out from inside of me. Perhaps it was the liquid courage, or maybe it was just the endless stories that I had to endure that made me so angry. William said “fine” and put more cash on the table. I said thank you and he chose that moment to make a joke about me going home with him. And with that, I decided to take a break from dating. Elizabeth rates her date (out of 10): 2