Don’t overspend on your children

Brett Graff, in her new book, finds that expensive, ‘educational’ toys often have the opposite effect

From educational toys to bigger houses, sports to private school, parents are spending money on all the wrong things, says economist and journalist Brett Graff.

Graff, who goes by the moniker “The Home Economist,” makes this case in her new book Not Buying It: Stop Overspending and Start Raising Happier, Healthier, More Successful Kids, which points out that less is more in almost every area that parents are bleeding cash. Her findings? We’re going broke buying stuff that has the opposite effect than we intend.

I caught up with Graff to chat about why parents should take a sober second look at their purchases. What inspired you to write the book?

We’re spending out of fear and competition. We’re terrified that if we say no to a particular expense, that we’re saying no to education and no to safety. Economists assume that we’re rational shoppers, but that is not the case, particularly if we happen to be parents.

We are spending money to make our kids dumber, to make our kids less safe, to make them less healthy and to make them more vulnerable to narcissism, depression and failure. How so?

For example, there are no federal guidelines for stamping the word “education” on a toy box. Expensive electronic toys promote instant gratification and anything with a screen for babies under 2 promotes language delays and sleep disturbances. What the American Academy of Pediatrics says is that kids who are left alone as early as 4 months old become problem solvers and creative thinkers. Researchers found that kids who play with blocks later scored better on tests for counting, measurement and judgment, and they scored better on math operations. Blocks cost $13. The latest iPad with every educational app and access to Mandarin lessons costs $900. What else shouldn’t we be spending so much money on?

Let’s talk about car seats. You’re having a baby and you cannot believe they’re letting you take this kid home from the hospital. You are not responsible enough for this, right? So you do everything you can to prepare. You know that car seats save lives, so you go out and buy the most expensive car seat possible. But the thing is, every single car seat has to meet the same federal standards. It undergoes the same inspection process.

Expensive car seats are not safer. What they do offer is more bells and whistles, more ways to tilt the seat. Maybe your baby can grow with it from rear-facing to forward-facing, which makes it more difficult to install, and the only way that a car seat can perform its life-saving job is if it’s properly installed. Everywhere you turn there’s a neighbour putting a kid in another enriching activity that you hadn’t even thought of. How does competition between the parents factor in here?

It factors into every decision. While we’re spending this money to make our kids dumber, we feel very superior while we’re doing it. “No, no, I don’t have time today to go to the park — we have to go to Kumon class.” Doctors have stood up in front of Congress and testified about our children’s right to play. Play improves cognitive development, it fosters creativity, it helps with children’s social skills, which improve the brain’s executive function. And the executives at Kumon have no long-term studies they could provide to me that prove doing worksheets has great long-term benefits. We seem to have bought into this idea that the world is a more competitive place and that we need to do these things to give them a leg up in life. What’s your take on that?

One of the things that you have to con- sider when you’re deciding what to purchase for your child is the reason that you’re doing it. If you’re buying your child something purely for the purpose of getting her into college, then you’re making a mistake. If you’re cultivating a talent because your child loves it, then that’s lovely.

A lot of people will say they want their kids to continue their sports or their dance because it teaches discipline and self-control, and I agree with that, but the truth is we can also teach our kids discipline and self-control free, at home. What should we be spending money on then?

The one thing that’s guaranteed to improve the life of a child is a college education and that’s what we should be putting our money toward when our babies are born. Brandie Weikle is a parenting expert and the host of The New Family Podcast and editor of thenewfamily.com.

/SUPPLIED Brett Graff writes in Not Buying It that expensive items have the opposite intended effect, such as an iPad with games that, instead of educating, promote language delays. Brett Graff, author of Not Buying It, is also known as “The Home Economist.”