FIVE TIPS ON RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS

What 20 Minutes of Action 4 Change hopes you’ll say to your son.

Consent

Any conversation about sexual assault should include clear definitions of consent. When a woman says “no” it always means “no.” There are no grey areas here. If someone is drunk, even “yes” means “no.” Your son should understand that when alcohol or drugs are involved, anyone intoxicated is not legally capable of consenting to sexual acts.

Speak up

The rape victim may not be the only one feeling intimidated; it often affects bystanders and those who know the rapist. Let your son know that it is never acceptable to remain silent. Let him know he can call you, another parent, a police officer or another person of authority.

Entitlement

No one is ever entitled to sex with someone. That includes a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. You don’t earn sex from being a “nice” guy, spending money on a date or because it’s what everyone else appears to be doing. Sex should always be a mutual decision.

Lead, don’t follow

Encourage him to think for himself and not be swayed by misogynistic behaviour. Make it clear that any person’s worth is not derived from his sexual experiences or conquests; remind him that what is popular is not always right. If you acknowledge these misconceptions by pointing them out, he will recognize them as unacceptable as he continues to encounter them.

Practise what you preach

Be aware of what your son is learning as he observes you. What you do, say and how you interact and treat others can show him the role of sex and relationships in his own life. So practise what you preach. If necessary, take the time to reflect on your own behaviour before talking about this with your son.