Sorry, Bieber isn’t moving to a town near you
Online hoax has stars such as Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise leaving Los Angeles for small towns across the U.S., Canada
Stop us if you’ve heard this suburban legend before: a major celebrity has decided to trade L.A.’s harried lifestyle for the nourishment of idyllic small-town life.
You may have read (probably on your Facebook feed) that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are moving to Berea, Ky., or Matthew McConaughey to Mulvane, Kan., or Tom Cruise to Beaver Falls, Pa.
Samuel L. Jackson was said to be moving to Sudbury — and also to Fort Wayne, Ind.
Justin Bieber, still the pride of small-town Ontario, has been “reported” ready to pull up stakes for the relaxed pastures of Vail, Ariz., Sandy, Ore., and Roanoke, Tex.
All these stories were hoaxes, of course, perpetrated by a series of fake online news outlets with names like KNP7 and the McKenzie Post. The articles are near-identical, all featuring celebrity quotations praising the “real,” “genuine” and “honest” people populating whichever obscure town they’re not really moving to. The sites and articles are anonymously produced and seem solely designed to draw traffic. All the sites, somewhere, bear the disclaimer that their stories are “satire or pure fantasy.”
And yet, this silly hoax has been extremely effective. In most cases, the stories have been shared hundreds of times and negligently snatched up by some oblivious reporter before finally being debunked. Earlier this week, for instance, the CBC had to refute the story that Vin Diesel was revving his engines for Saskatoon, Sask.
It’s a flimsy prank, one demanding the wilful suspension of disbelief of a Michael Bay flick, and the fact that so many have been even briefly persuaded shows how much we want it to be true.
“It’s the fantasy, right? The big star of the movies is tired of the rat race in L.A. and New York and decides to live a quiet life, surrounded by nature,” said Lucretia Free, founder and publisher of the Vail Voice.
“They were picking really small towns. Of course, you could see (a star) moving to Seattle, Chicago; that wouldn’t be a surprise. But gee, the excitement of coming to a small town and choosing a quiet life of farming? That’s a nice concept.”
When the hoax story placed Bieber in Vail, residents variously reconsidered college plans, tried to sell him a house (5,000 square feet with an oasis pool!), and penned locally based fan fiction.
Some let poor divisive Biebs know that his company wasn’t welcome. “Justin Bieber moving to vail? Hell no we already got enough Bieber looking boys already send his ass to Africa,” tweeted @jtfrost27.
Free knew instantly the story was fake but thought it was a “fun, cute” curiosity and posted it to the Vail Voice’s Facebook page.
Hours later, the post had thousands of views.
“It actually got to be, without question, the most-viewed page I’ve had up there,” she said.
Some reacted angrily, thinking Free had posted the obviously false story as news.
“Then there were people who really fell for it, hook, line and sinker. ‘Yay! We can’t believe it! This is so exciting!’ ” she laughed. She ultimately took the story down as the responses on both sides got “more extreme.”
As far as online hoaxes go, this one feels pretty harmless. And yet, the cruel joke underpinning the whole enterprise is the implication that no one wants to live in these towns. And the way locals have responded — whether with excitement, desperate gratitude or resolute cynicism — is unexpectedly telling.
For instance, the Jackson-to-Sudbury, Ont. yarn accumulated hundreds of Facebook comments, including many earnest exaltations of the Pulp Fiction actor for considering the move.
“Just give us a chance and you will not be disappointed,” read the mostliked comment.
“It’s full of unique characters and many creative individuals and I think Mr. Jackson would be a welcome (addition),” added another.
Elsewhere, the commentary was more self-deprecating. News of Bieber’s move to Quincy, Mass., inspired one tweeter to reflect on the city’s apparent heroin problem.
Leonardo DiCaprio’s very fake move to Woodstock, Ill., prompted reviews like this: “The town of Woodstock and a lot of people that live there are scumbags! Why I moved away from there.”
And when Katy Perry was supposedly bound for Boerne, Tex., one fan cautioned that “we only have a HEB and Walmart.”
Sure, skepticism is the correct response, but given the insulting implications of treating the notion of a celebrity moving to town as an impossible absurdity, it’s not surprising that some opted to believe.
“I wasn’t in a way surprised, just because Wildwood is a sought-after place,” said Wildwood, Mo., Mayor Jim Bowlin, whose St. Louis-adjacent town was one of Bieber’s reported destinations.
“We were actually initially looking forward to welcoming Mr. Bieber.”
Free didn’t see such a fit for the Stratford star in Vail, a rural, “farflung” bedroom-suburb of Tucson, Ariz. populated almost exclusively by families.
“What would he do out here? Hang out at the wash and listen to the coyotes?” she laughed. “It’s a good life for those of us out here. But clearly he was not going to move here.”
If there’s offence to be taken, it might be that this entire hoax depends on those “real,” “honest,” “genuine” small-towners being tragically gullible.
“Part of me wonders if whoever started this thought that people in small towns wouldn’t have the sophistication to understand it wasn’t real,” Free said.
“But all in all, we’re pretty smart cookies.”