If your grandkids ask, tell them about sex
Our granddaughters are 6 and 8. I’ve been present a couple of times when one of them asked a question about sex. Their parents are uncomfortable (the mother has said the changes to the Ontario sex education curriculum are inappropriate) and they put off answering. My question: If one of the kids asks me about sex when a parent is not around, what should I do? With my own children, I answered all their questions briefly but honestly, keeping in mind their age. I would like to do the same with my granddaughters, but I don’t want to cause trouble with their parents or get the girls in trouble. Answer their questions as honestly and forthrightly as you did with your own kids.
Imagine you had been out walking with your granddaughters a few years ago, say when they were 2 years old, and one had asked, “What does that red light mean?” Would you have said, “Ask your mother?” Or perhaps, “You’re too young to cross on your own. Ask me when you’re old enough to understand?”
Of course not. You would have explained how traffic signals work and how important it is to stop at a red light.
Well, understanding sexuality is as important to survival for a girl growing up in today’s oversexualized culture as knowing about stoplights.
Contrary to the delicate sensitivities of at least one Toronto school, a penis is not a “private part.” Nor is it a willy, a dick or a schlong. It is a penis, in exactly the same way as a leg is a leg or an eyeball, an eyeball.
Like those other body parts, a penis can be used to cause pleasure or pain, to build relationships or break them down, respectfully or abusively. Precisely the same can (and should) be said for breasts or a vagina.
Penises and vaginas are sometimes also used to make babies; female breasts feed them after they are born. That is their unique contribution to the whole, just as the eye- ball’s unique contribution is seeing and the leg is useful for playing football. This is natural, healthy and wholesome. It’s how human life carries on and how people deepen their relationships with each other. See. Wasn’t that simple? Parents who, hiding under the guise of religion, refuse to teach or allow their children to be taught the basics of human sexuality and who refuse to talk honestly with their children about respect, consent and commitment, are as negligent as parents who, hiding under the guise of pseudo-science, refuse to have their children vaccinated or deny their sick kid chemotherapy.
So, if your grandkids open the door to conversation about sexuality, don’t slam it shut. If their mother is upset, tough luck; you might mention how unfortunate it is that her kids had to come to their grandparent to get information their mother should have provided long ago.
One thing’s for sure: if you’re brave enough to respect the honest questions your grandkids ask, they’ll remember and cherish that respect for the rest of their lives. As for the girls “getting in trouble” — well, that’s far more likely if you don’t talk to them than if you do. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca