Calm after the Storm
Toronto family weathered waves of criticism after opting to let their baby choose a gender. Five years later, things have settled down . . . and Storm has chosen
As a baby, Storm Stocker-Witterick was the centre of a maelstrom of worldwide attention.
First profiled by the Star in 2011, Storm and her family made international headlines because her parents, Kathy Witterick and David Stocker, had decided not to publicly reveal the sex of their third child.
Despite what they have described as “vitriolic” criticism, the Toronto-based couple wanted to let Storm decide in her own time what gender she wanted to identify with. And nearly everyone had an opinion as to why that was right or wrong.
They didn’t want anyone to assume the sex designated by doctors would match the gender their baby would identify with later. Their eldest child Jazz, 10, explains the difference. “Sex is what is between your legs, and gender is what you think of yourself as a person,” said Jazz. All three of the Stocker-Witterick children were given a choice of gender identity.
Now 5-and-a-half years old, Storm confidently says her preferred pronoun is “she.”
Storm, her two siblings and parents spoke to the Star in their first interview as a family in years.
She sports a shock of pink hair in a pixie cut, her big blue eyes constantly darting to absorb the hustle and bustle in Barbara Hall Park, behind the 519 Community Centre.
On a whim, she climbs a nearby lamp post — which is at least three metres tall — to get a better view.
At least six times over the course of an hour, Storm nearly reaches the lamp post’s light bulb. Others milling in the park stop when they notice someone among the tree branches. “Oh, look at her!” they say.
In an email in 2011, Kathy and David told their friends and family they wouldn’t be announcing Storm’s sex.
“A tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place? . . .),” the email read.
When the Star first covered their decision, public outcry was fast and furious. People delivered angry letters to the family’s door. Drivers slowed to shout “Boy!” from their windows at Storm, as the family was en route to the pool or the library.
Interview requests poured in from around the world — from NBC, National Geographic, 60 Minutes Australia, Anderson Cooper, Dr. Phil and the Oprah Winfrey Network.
The flood of attention eventually eased and Kathy and David are still confident in their parenting choices. Along with the harsh words sent their way came hordes of supportive ones.
They’ve found camaraderie among a like-minded community at the 519, where Kathy works in education and training and supports queer and transgender family programs. David still teaches Grades 7 and 8 at the City View Alternative Senior School during the year. “The people who were angry moved away from us and the people who were affirming moved closer to us,” Kathy said.
“So both sides of the response were helpful to us overall, although at the time, of course, it was hard.”
Kathy and David haven’t strayed from their democratic parenting style and their openness to discussing gender and its fluidity. They taught their kids about gender and its many nuances with help from a map in The Gender Book.
The map locates gender identities — from male and female, to transgender, non-binary and beyond — in a global drawing. Each member of the family has a colour copy of the page where they map their own gender journey.
The couple continues to unschool their kids, a version of home-schooling where the young ones direct lessons based on what they hope to learn.
All three of the Stocker-Witterick children let it be known which pronoun they prefer.
Jazz prefers the pronouns “she” and “her.” She identifies as a transgender girl, having begun her transition three days before she turned 7. Her birthday is Dec. 27, and she announced the change right around Christmas, after spending a year grappling with the decision on her own.
Kio, 7, identifies as non-binary and uses the pronoun “they.” Kathy also opts for “they,” while David uses “he or they.”
In the five years since the family’s story became public, mainstream recognition of gender diversity has come a long way.
In 2012, the Ontario government passed Bill 33, also known as Toby’s Law, to update the human rights code to include protection against discrimination for gender identity and gender expression.
In May, Bill C-16 — federal legislation similar to Toby’s Law — got a second reading in the House of Commons.
These days, the Stocker-Witterick family’s gender diversity is more understood, they said, but other components of their life still draw flak, particularly their devotion to demo- cratic parenting and sharing power with their children.
In the Stocker-Witterick home, everyone has a say and family decisions can come down to a vote.
Such was the case last year when the family debated enrolling the children in public school three days a week.
They filled out the paperwork, which Kathy described as a “valuable experience.”
The family wanted to present documentation in which the sex designation assigned at birth was blotted out by stickers, they said. And the school, which is part of Toronto’s Public School Board, tried to be accommodating.
“They wanted to be an affirming space and a safe space. They’re really trying to work within the system they’ve been put in, but the system doesn’t work in a very inclusive way,” Kathy said.
Last August, the family congregated around the dining table after the kids had drawn up a long list of the pros and cons for going to school. The age segregation between grades and the sex separation between washrooms were some of the cons they considered. A pro and a con? Spending time away from their siblings.
Ultimately the family voted against going to public school, preferring to stay home and unschool for at least one more year.
Some of their favourite things to do at home are math problems and sports (Jazz), reading and Sudoku puzzles (Kio) and playing with stuffed animals (Storm). (She likes naming the toys after her favourite types of candy and flowers.)
The whole family loves going on adventures together, from navigating forests to rafting down the Grand River, as they did earlier this month. The only drawback was that the water rubbed off nearly all the temporary tattoos the kids got at Pride.
It didn’t wash away their vibrant hair colours, however, which were dyed just in time for Pride. David, Jazz and Storm rock sections of pink strands, while Kio has a blueish pink combo. Kathy keeps their hair its natural red, shaved to a near buzz cut on one side.
The Stocker-Witterick family’s story isn’t “radically different” than it was in 2011, Kathy said. But the social environment has changed.
Jazz said she considers her family different and that same quality is one she values most in herself.
“I like being different from everybody else. It’s just awesome being trans. I’m really good at a lot of stuff, like sports,” she said.
Storm hesitates to answer when asked what she likes best about herself.
Instead, she climbs the lamp post again and grins, calling out: “Kathy, look at me!”
Storm is on top of the world. With files from Jayme Poisson