Kids face lots of choices, which also increases stress
According to survey released by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health recently, one-third of Ontario adolescents in Grades 7 to 12 reported signs of “psychological distress.” This is a 10-per-cent increase since the last survey in 2013. Dr. Robert Mann, co-lead investigator of the survey speculated that part of the reason could be life is “much more complex now than it was 20, 30 years ago.”
I agree. Things are a lot more complex — for teens as well as adults. And I suspect at least part of the issue may be the mixed messages we send our children about this complex life and the choices they have to make at increasingly early ages.
We say we want children to have fun . . . play outside. Toronto city council just lifted the ban on street hockey and basketball, citing children should be active without risking a fine. Parents, teachers and other significant adults have been known to give children the advice to follow their dreams, do what they are good at and life will unfold as it should. But do we really mean it?
The news and social media celebrate children who start businesses, win science fairs and are chosen to take Arctic expeditions. Reporters interview those who have done the extraordinary and hold them up as inspirational but rarely discuss how much stress they might be under. Many of the high-achieving stories stress the value of making the right choices when it comes to education and this has not been lost on the children. We seem to be asking children to make significant choices earlier and earlier. Grade 8 has become a threshold year. My son was in Grade 8 and had to choose where to go to high school this year. When I had to make that transition, it didn’t take much thought. I went to the local high school with my friends. The biggest choice was between music and art as an option. This is no longer true. Students in Grade 8 are often presented with a vast array of specialized programs and asked to make choices that steer them toward a field of study before they set foot into high school.
If you know what you want to do, this could be a marvellous opportunity. If you don’t know what you want yet, the choices can be overwhelming. Who has time to play street hockey when a career is on the line?
Our year started with information assemblies for students, then parents. It continued with presentations to the students from the various specialized programs and culminated with applications, entrance exams and portfolios. My son and his friends then waited to see where they had been accepted and chose a program. Most adults never had to go through anything this intense and risk rejection until they were considering post-secondary education or applying for a job.
As I helped my son navigate this process, I struggled with how to help him make good decisions. As his mother, I want him to be successful in what appears to be an increasingly competitive world. At the same time, I want to encourage him to take his time and find his own way. We’ve discussed how lucky he is to have so many choices but also that there is no one right decision. I know he and his peers discuss how their choices might impact their futures and worry about it.
I have observed that the number of choices children between Grades 7 and12 are expected to make since I was that age until today have skyrocketed. I don’t remember feeling as anxious at my son’s age and I think part of the reason was there were fewer choices. And the choices we did have to make didn’t seem life altering.
Psychologists explain how having unlimited choices — even related to seemingly insignificant things — can negatively affect well-being. As a parent and teacher, I try hard to present the choices as opportunities — like paths that can meander, diverge and converge again, rather than an expressway to a goal. Paths have a general direction but can double back and change directions. We have to help our children believe there is time to explore different paths and maybe even play a little street hockey.