You made the right decision — now take care of yourself

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four years. Our family and friends never accepted our relationship.

He wasn’t the type to date, settle down or be loyal to one girl. Everyone told me I was setting myself up for failure.

This past 18 months together was the most emotionally draining time I’ve experienced — fights, days or weeks we went without speaking or seeing one another, ignored calls and texts.

I caught him talking with other women, including my best friend. I felt confused and abandoned. Why was he intentionally ignoring and avoiding me for weeks? And if he was, why hadn’t he left? I felt I had no other choice, so I broke up with him.

Now everyone else’s opinion on our relationship turned out to be correct. I’m embarrassed.

His texting to my best friend was not in a harmless “friend” way. I can’t pull myself out of bed most days. How to Let Go? Get a grip on who YOU are — strong, determined, confident and loyal. That’s why he kept leaning on you. However, he’s not confident, mature or loyal. He wants attention and admiration from others, too.

You were wise to break up. It hurts now, but would’ve been far more devastating the longer you kept trying.

Get out of bed. Take care of your body by moving it and of your mind by knowing you did the right thing.

Embarrassment is a waste of energy. Instead, rethink your “best friend” choice too.

My younger brother recently got married.

We always got along well but weren’t really close (i.e. no deep discussions).

He was a strong, quiet and reserved guy and now has a successful career. Throughout their wedding planning, my brother and his fiancée never willingly told us (including my mother) any details, though I’d ask at family gatherings or through texts. Aweek before the wedding, my husband and I with our four kids, visited my brother’s house to give our gift (a fair amount of cash).

We didn’t want to risk it getting lost or misplaced at the wedding. At his wedding, my brother seemed distant and cold, even a little rude and demanding. After we congratulated him and took a photo, he couldn’t spare us a few seconds, barely looked at us, mumbled about being busy and left us abruptly.

He hurt our feelings. My husband had considered him as his brother, too. I want to confront him about his attitude that day but how should I approach him without it hurting our relationship? Brother’s Distance

This is likely about expectations and lack of communication.

Especially if your brother and his new wife felt any disappointment in the gift amount, or any aspect about your participation in their engagement and wedding (e.g. related to a shower or lack of one, any help you did or didn’t offer, etc.).

Nothing you’ve written suggests you did anything wrong. But you couldn’t know what they expected, given their silence.

Best to say you’ve wondered and regret if there’s anything you did, or didn’t do, that caused him to be so abrupt and distant.

He may say he was just too busy. OR, he may say something hurtful.

IF the relationship is your most important concern, respond with further regrets.

Say that in future you hope that both of you can be more open from the start.

You may also need to work on befriending his bride. Tip of the day When only one partner’s determined to make it work, a relationship can’t truly thrive. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice

Everyone else’s opinion on our relationship turned out to be correct . . . I can’t pull myself out of bed most days