Share values to tackle boyfriend’s stalling

We’ve been living together for three years, have a son together and we’re homeowners.

I’m ready for the BIG question. But he seems not interested! He says he wants to get married, but it feels otherwise. His cousin just proposed to his fiancée two months ago, which hit me hard. I became that jealous girl I’d never thought I could be.

I just want to tell my boyfriend, “I want to get married!” How do I confront him without sounding like a whiny greedy girl? Or am I overreacting? Wedding Blues

He knows you want to get married. And he’s stalling.

Speak up, but not while you’re wired by jealousy. This is about you two, not anyone else.

You need to discuss common ideas on what a proposal means — e.g. having a timeline for when to marry, whether an engagement ring’s affordable, etc.

If he thinks you’re after a big wedding with all the bells and whistles, he may be worried about how to pay for it.

That’s fair enough, but only if he’s open about it so you can compromise on what your wedding plans will be.

Tell him what’s most important to you — I’m hoping it’s the commitment to take the relationship to the next, deeper phase.

But be clear that you must have confidence that the father of your child wants to marry you within the foreseeable future.

I’ve been married for four years to a great guy. We have a small daughter.

However, I feel he’s more interested in his parents and especially his sister’s family! His constant concern and need to buy them gifts, sharing details about us/our child, and valuing their opinion over mine is very upsetting.

I tried to maintain a nice relationship with his family but I’ve become withdrawn because I find them passive-aggressive and demanding. I feel they gang up on me. I used to only see them occasionally, but they constantly want to be around the baby and we don’t have much time for ourselves. My husband only wants to be around them. He doesn’t want to meet friends or spend time together, just us.

I’m not trying to keep the baby from them. My husband can visit on his own with her when she’s more independent.

But I’m not ready to leave my child for that length of time because he’s too lax — compromising nap times, not changing diapers, disrespectful of my wishes (i.e. distribution of photos), not applying sunscreen, etc.

But, he’ll brush me off, saying I’m imagining things and nagging.

He blames me for upsetting his family. I feel unsupported, which makes me more anxious. Am I too protective? How can I make things more comfortable for them? Anxious Mom

It’s not unusual for a first-time parent to be overprotective, but you may be trying to control too much.

At home, encourage your husband to take charge of a naptime, a diaper change and to apply sunscreen. Then share the parenting.

Your relationship’s at a fragile point and your husband needs to address this with you instead of taking refuge with his family.

Having a first baby is a major change for a couple and unfortunately, you two have developed a divide instead of a stronger tie.

Get to counselling together and individually, if needed.

Your husband needs to recognize that he’s isolating you.

Time together and time with your mutual friends is essential for this relationship to not be overshadowed by his closeness to his relatives.

Tell him what’s most important to you — I’m hoping it’s the commitment to take the relationship to the next, deeper phase

Tip of the day A proposal means being ready and willing for making wedding plans. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice