Age without the stress of your estate
My parents just turned 80 and my father has been hospitalized. Although I expect him to recover, he will need special care at a financial cost. My parents own a home and it’s a nice bit of equity; it will remain part of their estate. My younger brother never married nor moved out; he has lived with my parents his entire 50 years. I moved out at 20 and made my own middle-class life. My brother never paid room or board and never had a social life, so I assume he has socked away some cash. I will say that for the last 10 years, he has been supportive in the household by providing maintenance and driving dad around. Discussions have surfaced about financial support to our father if he needs to move to a facility, and because my brother has reaped financial rewards from living there, I feel his share should be more than mine. Do you agree, and if so how could I make my point?
If this were an isolated letter, I might answer it differently.
But in fact, it belongs to a special bucket of epistolary bilge that slops too regularly in my direction. These letters come from a category of appalling adult children that I met fairly often during my professional career. Being a man of God back then, I simply called them greedy. Today I’d be more effusive.
I have scant counsel for the writer of this letter, save this: Your brother lived with his parents for 50 years, had no social life and looked after their needs as they aged — all while you carved out your own “middle class life.” Now you want him to pay more than his share for care in their declining years, so the home equity remains untouched and you get your half when your parents die. He pays more now so you get more later. Give your head a shake; do you hear anything rattling?
My real advice, however, is for my correspondent’s parents, and other seniors who own homes and are saddled with parasitic progeny.
Forget about the estate. Let your useless kids take care of themselves when you’re gone.
Sell your house, while you still can. The market in Toronto is scorching, so you’ll make a boodle. Do it now, before your kids take over and start doling out nickels and dimes to you as if they were Halloween candy.
Once you’ve sold the house, get the money invested, and find a place to live that offers “aging in place” — somewhere you will be comfortable now and well into the future. Let someone else cook your meals, count out your pills and make your bed. There are lots of lovely places; heck, even here in Parry Sound we have one and as the late, lamented Charlie Farquharson might have said, “If ya can git’er in Parry Hoot, ya can git’er anywhere.”
If you’re in your 80s or even close, the income from your house, combined with government benefits, will pay nicely for a gracious place to enjoy your remaining years. If things work out perfectly, you’ll spend your last nickel on a nice bottle of Heaven’s Gate wine the day before you get there. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca