How to handle the ‘Dumpsgiving’ aftermath
The first week of September, I overheard a conversation between some international students on U of T campus. They had all just met that day and were sharing basic information about themselves, sweetly and tentatively building new friendships.
“My boyfriend still lives in Korea,” offered one of the fresh-faced freshmen. “We know it will be difficult, but we’re going to stay together.” Oh, honey. Maintaining a long-distance relationship over four years isn’t impossible. But it is highly implausible, especially when you’re a teenager and are still figuring out who you are.
In my university experience, the students who arrived romantically attached to someone from their hometown were single again after Thanksgiving long weekend.
Known widely as “the Turkey Dump” or “Dumpsgiving,” it’s the phenomenon of first-year university and college students, immersed in their new academic and social lives, ending things with their high school sweethearts the very next time they see them — usually Thanksgiving weekend.
When the end of a relationship is dealt with in unhealthy ways, it can impede student success for a semester — or even threaten the entire school year.
Digital media specialist Adrienne Friesen, 25, is an admitted turkey dumper. When she moved to Toronto for school, she and her high school boyfriend tried to make it work. Unfortunately, the relationship lasted about as long as a slice of pumpkin pie set in front of Uncle Bill.
“I immediately fell in love with Toronto and realized that I would be staying here long-term, even beyond university,” says Friesen.
And by the time U.S. Thanksgiving rolled around, Friesen says it was no longer appealing to schedule Skype calls or phone calls with her boyfriend since her time was filled with her commerce program and being on the varsity swim team.
“I was meeting tons of new people and it was much more fun to hang out with people in real life than over a screen,” Friesen says.
While Friesen says her breakup was a healthy and necessary one, that’s not always the case, and many students may find themselves having difficulties healing and moving on.
Dr. Jesmen Mendoza, a psychol- ogist at Ryerson University’s Centre for Student Development and Counselling, encourages students dealing with a painful breakup over Thanksgiving or at any other time of the year to get in touch with their school’s counselling services and take up fulfilling activities.
“Pursuing new social activities (reminds students) that they are more than just someone’s ex-partner and they may even find a new romantic opportunity in the process,” Dr. Mendoza says.
“Those reluctant to pursue counselling may think that they may be judged or shamed, but professional counsellors are invested in helping students becoming hopeful about their future and hopeful about having a successful intimate relationship.”
Experts say that consistent exercise, a balanced diet and getting enough sleep can also help ease the physical and emotional symptoms of a breakup. But keeping busy is definitely key.
“Focus on what makes you you, which for me included refocusing on my studies, taking up a new class, getting a part-time job and getting back in touch with friends,” says Friesen.
“It’s important to get out and about. Even if it’s just going to a café to work or study instead of staying home, it helps to be around people. Having a good friend-support system is also helpful.”
And don’t forget the silver lining to dumping or being dumped on Thanksgiving weekend: there has never been a more appropriate time to eat your feelings. Sofi Papamarko is a writer and matchmaker who lives in Toronto. Reach her at facebook.com/sofipapamarko.