Rehtaeh’s mother warns of rape culture
Mother of bullying victim says we need to educate boys and girls on consent
When Rehtaeh Parsons committed suicide in 2013 following endless harassment online, the bullying shifted to her mother.
“I was told I was a horrible mother,” Leah Parsons said while speaking at Sheridan College in Oakville on Thursday night.
Parsons said Rehtaeh was raped by four boys in her Nova Scotia community in November 2011 and publicly shamed for it by her peers. A photograph from the night had been captured and shared, showing a boy — giving the camera a thumbs-up — having sex with her daughter, who is throwing up out a window. The picture quickly circulated and led to months of bullying and harassment.
Only after the attacks shifted to Parsons and continued for two years did she truly understand what her daughter had gone through.
“Then I knew how it felt to be attacked. I realized if I’m feeling this hurt, imagine a 15-year-old girl feeling this. I was always reminded of that’s how she felt.”
On top of this, almost immediately following Rehtaeh’s death, posters began to show up on the streets of Parsons’ community reading “Speak the Truth,” “There’s two sides to every story,” “Stay Strong” and “Support the Boys.”
Three years after her daughter’s death, Parsons is still working to teach others about the consequences of sexual assault, victim-blaming and teen bullying.
On Thursday night, Parsons, who has spoken at high schools and junior highs across Canada, spoke at a college for the first time. She was the keynote speaker at an event titled “For Her We Speak,” which also featured speeches from MP Pam Da- moff, vice-chair of the Parliamentary Standing Committee for the Status of Women, and Sheridan president Dr. Jeff Zabudsky.
The event was hosted by Halton Women’s Place shelter, Sheridan College and PhD researcher Nicolette Little. Its goal was to give a “voice to the one in four Canadian women who report facing violence,” according to Sheridan.
Parsons is all too familiar with this statistic. “Rape culture: it’s alive and well,” she told the audience.
Damoff, who also cited this statistic, said it makes “one thing very clear. Our system is not working.”
Despite these numbers and the prevalence of this issue, Parsons said many people attempted to distance themselves from her situation following her daughter’s death.
“A lot of parents after Rehtaeh died said ‘Oh well, she was already a party girl. She was already a troubled teen. That’s why it happened. You weren’t a good mom,’ ” Parsons said. “Because if they can say those things about me, then it makes them feel safe. Because they think that’s that type of family and as long as we’re not that type of family then we’re going to be safe.”
Parsons and others throughout the evening emphasized the importance of continuing to push for better systems to handle these issues, as well as educating both young men and women about consent.
“It doesn’t matter that I had conversations with Rehtaeh, because if no one had those conversations with those boys, she was never safe,” Parsons said.
She recounted numerous occasions after speaking at schools when students approached her to thank her. “That gives me hope,” she said. And the sizeable audience at Sheridan speaks to the growing concern over these issues. But during a question-and-answer period at the end of the event, Damoff surveyed the room and had one critique.
“It saddens me that when I look around the room it’s mostly women here,” Damoff said. “Bringing men and boys into these conversations is so important.”