Dramatic friend could use compassion

Friends of ours split up after 11 years. The husband, “A,” had cheated on “B.” We decided to remain friends with both.

“A” told us that he wouldn’t badmouth his ex to us.

I never told “B” that we still got together with him because I suspected she felt we should condemn him — even though she’d formerly cheated on her previous partner who was “A’s” friend.

She recently discovered that we’d gone out with “A” and his new girlfriend. When I admitted it, she was hurt. I apologized that I’d hurt her and not told her — I should’ve.

She said she never thought I’d lie to her or that we’d still be friends with him.

I got defensive: No, I didn’t lie and we didn’t feel it was our duty to place judgment.

We haven’t talked in two weeks. So I texted that we couldn’t be hypocrites and judge him for something for which we previously hadn’t judged her.

I said it was now her decision whether to keep our friendship. My husband and I enjoy getting together with “A” and his girlfriend as there’s no drama! “B” now has a new man in her life whom we haven’t met. Were we wrong to try not to choose? Is it also wrong that I secretly hope that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore so I don’t have to deal with the drama? Fed Up Friend

She may be a drama queen, but you’ve played a part here. She was recently betrayed. You knew how she’d react.

That was the time for comforting her, not distancing.

Later, by not telling her you’d be meeting the new girlfriend, you ended neutrality. She feels betrayed by you, too. Apologize once again. Invite her and her boyfriend out with you and your husband, proving your “nonjudgmental” position.

The friendship may not last. But better that be her choice than you just running from it. Recently my car broke down. I’m 23, and my dad’s a mechanic. He was the only person to come to my rescue. My soon-to-be husband was upset that my car broke down. Dad took it to his shop and the car’s not worth fixing, nor safe. We have a toddler.

Dad suggested trading it, he’d pay the difference. He’s lent me his expensive SUV as I need a car for work.

My fiancé’s super upset, saying that I’m now my father’s “puppet” and he can do whatever he wants.

He thinks lending me his car is teaching me to neglect my own vehicle and get rewarded.

I know my dad’s really trying to help. Need to Know Who’s Right

You’re a mother and a bride-to-be, but you’re also a daughter whose dad has expertise with cars.

Your fiancé seems jealous of your dad’s ability to “rescue” you and upset by your need for his help.

But it’s natural that he wants you and your family safe, and for you to be able to get to work.

If your guy is as young as you, a little immaturity is understandable from both, as evidenced by your need to be “right.”

Hug your fiancé and tell him you’re both lucky to have a generous parent looking out for both of you, since a safe car is essential.

And his borrowed car does you both a favour — keeping you working to pay your share of the bills.

Assure your fiancé that: No, your father can’t do “anything he wants.”Then choose your next car together.

Your fiancé seems jealous of your dad’s ability to “rescue” you and upset by your need for his help

Tip of the day If a friend is “dramatic,” be extra thoughtful during their worst stress.