Together forever
Christmas free of secrets for transgender man
A celebration of firsts
Firsts are so important — first steps, first job, first time on a plane. This time of year is no exception. We are marking the holidays with a series of stories about first Christmases — first tree, first turkey, first home, first Christmas as a transgender man. This story by Jonathan Forani marks the first Christmas for twin preemies Naya and Milayna Soares, who have spent most of their short lives apart but will be together to celebrate with their parents at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children. For two sisters who have spent most of their nine months apart, Naya and Milayna Soares have a strong twin connection.
Together for seven months in the womb, they have seen each other only fleetingly since their premature birth in March. Often it’s over video chat, Milayna at home in North York and Naya, who was born with a serious heart defect, at Sick Kids. The way the girls watch each other — a knowing glance, a smile and some waving arms — says it all.
“They love it. As much as they don’t spend every waking moment with each other, they know they’re twins,” said mom Stephanie Soares, who takes turns with husband Frank staying overnight downtown with Naya and at home with Milayna, who was born healthy.
This Christmas, the sisters will be together in the flesh.
Naya has been in hospital since birth. The first four months were spent in the intensive care unit before she was moved to a regular patient room to grow and wait for open-heart surgery in November. In that month alone, Naya had double bypass surgery, went into cardiac arrest, had a second surgery and suffered a stroke and seizure.
But she finally began breathing on her own this month, an improvement hospital staff called a “major milestone.”
Naya finally turned the corner and was moved to a private room in the cardiology unit Wednesday, in time for Stephanie to go “all out” with decorations: garlands, elf figurines, maybe even a last-minute tree.
“It’s our first Christmas, but not only that — we’re celebrating Naya’s life and her sister’s life,” she said.
Sebastian Trujillo recently felt a rush of emotion when buying a present for his son.
“The clerk asked, ‘Do you want that gift wrapped, sir?’ That gave me so much happiness, as now people see me as how I feel inside,” says Trujillo, 37.
For the first time, Trujillo will be celebrating the holidays as a transgender man. He immigrated to Canada with his parents in 2001 after coming out as a lesbian because they feared it wasn’t safe for someone of his sexual orientation in their native Mexico.
He, his wife Inessa and their son Gavriel, 2, celebrate “Christmanukkah,” a blend of traditions from his Christian family and her Jewish one. They’ll light candles in a menorah and their son will receive a Hanukkah gift along with presents from Santa Claus. His gifts will include books in English and Spanish, gender-neutral toys and, because he loves dinosaurs, a collection of Dinotrux toys.
They’ll spend Christmas Eve at Trujillo’s mother’s home with his extended family, where they’ll eat a late dinner of roasted pig, beans and rice, open gifts after midnight and continue the party until the early hours of Christmas morning. Then it’s on to Hanukkah celebrations at Trujillo’s in-laws.
Trujillo had felt since he was a young child that he was a male living in a female body. It wasn’t until last January, however, that he came out to his mother and Mexican family as a transgender man. He started the transition process, had gender reassignment surgery in October and recently had his driver’s licence and other paperwork issued in his chosen name.
He acknowledges that his transition has been difficult for some family members. “My mother was having a hard time and it was a constant struggle, as while I was going through my transition, she was going through a transition (of accepting her child as a man) as well.
“But recently my mother called me and used my (male) name and it was really nice.”
Trujillo, who works as a mail clerk at Mount Sinai Hospital, and had been in a lesbian marriage, told his wife about his desire to transition to male when she was pregnant with their son, conceived using donor sperm.
“I was really scared to tell her, even through I had dressed in men’s clothes and shoes and had short hair. I think it was a shock for her,” says Trujillo. She’s come to accept his transition and is very supportive, he says.
“Now it (my gender identity) is no longer a secret, and how I feel inside now matches the outside,” Trujillo says. “This holiday will be amazing, as both our families will have seen me for who I really am.” Tracy Hanes, Special to the Star