Should I go to church’s Midnight Mass if I’ve stopped believing in God?
My wife and I are Italian. As children, the church was important, but we’ve become “lapsed Catholics.” We don’t believe in God, and don’t attend Mass. What’s more, we don’t agree with the church on many issues and are disgusted by the abuse of children by priests. As a result, we no longer support the church financially. But every year, we troop out to Christmas Eve Midnight Mass with our kids and grandkids; it’s a family tradition. This year, my wife doesn’t want to go. She feels we’re “taking advantage of the church” — using it for our enjoyment when we neither support it nor believe what it stands for. I don’t care; I love the pageantry of Midnight Mass. Is it OK for people like us to attend this one night of the year?
Over 11 Christmases writing this column, I’ve dealt with variations of this question several times. I’ve always argued that it’s fine to go, as long as you’re respectful and pop $20 in the plate. I’ve changed my mind. Christmas is remarkably complicated. It blends, often awkwardly, elements of family celebration, wild consumer spending, bacchanalian binges and the quiet celebration of a baby’s mythical birth. That baby, when he grew up, would have little to do with his own family, would totally eschew consumer spending, would eat supplicated meals of bread, fish and wine. No wonder it’s confusing; even Jesus wouldn’t believe this party is for him.
Most elements of this mid-winter fete are open to anyone who chooses to participate. Like everyone else, it seems, I once knew a rabbi who warbled Christmas carols with enthusiasm unencumbered by irony. So if you want to put up a tree, break a leg — preferably not literally.
If exchanging gifts is a good idea, get wrapping. If eggnog’s your thing, gulp. None of these activities bear any relationship to Christian faith; they’re free for anyone.
But worship is different. Worship is something believers do in the company of other believers. It’s sacred time and space. And those of us who, for whatever reason, don’t share the faith of the worshipping community have no right to stagger in all boozy-breathed on Christmas Eve and get in the way.
I no longer work in the church and rarely attend. But over 45 years in Yuletide pulpits, I watched folks like you (and, perhaps, now me). Some were quiet and respectful. Many were noisy — whispering maniacally, pawing their girlfriends, checking cellphones, stinking of liquor. But whether quiet or reverential, sober or smashed, what I noticed most was that you just didn’t “get it”. Because the Christmas Eve story, the babe in the barn, the lit candles, the bread and wine — none of it makes sense without faith. Without belief, it’s ridiculous.
Lovely, perhaps — but absurd nonetheless.
So stay home tonight. Don’t intrude where you don’t belong. Put carols on the stereo; sing along at will. Drink mulled wine. Embrace your family. Stuff a goose. Kiss your wife under the mistletoe. All of that is wonderful. It’s what the season means for you.
And leave the Mass to those for whom it is not merely tradition, but rather an act of profound spiritual devotion.
Buon Natale! Have a very Merry Christmas. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca.