Raquel and Tommy
Raquel is a 27-year-old graduate student who lives in the Wychwood Park area. She says “I’m half-Chinese, but often mistaken for Hispanic, Greek, Italian, or Middle Eastern. I’d say my style is a mix of vintage finds and classic chic. My go-to outfit is a men’s button-down, with high-waisted jeans and leather boots.” Raquel is “goofy, sensitive, optimistic, motivated and compassionate.” She says “I relate to Mindy Lahiri from The Mindy Project, Liz Lemon from 30 Rock and Linda Belcher from Bob’s Burgers. I watch too much TV.” Raquel says “For fun, I love to go on coffee walks. Emphasis on the ‘coffee.’ ”
Ihad just got out of a serious relationship when I moved here to pursue my PhD. Nothing had gone quite as planned during this time: just before I defended my Master’s thesis, I got dumped, hard. At the time I felt blindsided, but looking back, it makes a lot of sense. We were never a good fit. He was intense; I was wayward.
So there I was, suddenly alone, in a new city and in a new graduate program. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing there, other than recovering from heartbreak and pursuing a PhD., neither of which I had anticipated. A PhD. just seemed like the most logical choice.
The first time I saw Tommy around campus, his hair stuck out wildly from the top of his head, and he was wearing a short-sleeved buttondown with a beach scene on it with Birkenstocks.
He was loud, jovial and pretty much the opposite of my exes, all of whom were traditionally handsome and emotionally unstable.
Tommy didn’t play mind games or care about things that weren’t worth caring about.
He would clean his glasses with his shirt, casually exposing his belly to everyone. What stood out to me the most was his ability to listen. He would stop what he was doing and really hear you when you spoke. He’d nod along, laugh and sometimes even clap his hands together in amusement.
He didn’t seem interested in me romantically, which is why I didn’t find him intimidating at all.
Earlier in the year, someone had tried to hook up with me and it had sent me running for the hills. I just wasn’t ready for that sort of thing post-break-up.
My interest in Tommy came to a head at Christmas. I had organized a holiday potluck and movie night for the other grad students in our department.
We all ate, laughed and watched The Grinch — the original, of course — projected onto a wall in a classroom.
Afterward, a few of us went to a pub to continue the festivities. On the way, we stopped at Tommy’s apartment so he could feed his cat, very overweight but nonetheless adorable.
After a few too many drinks, I felt apprehensive about going home. Sometimes this happens to me: I get a little tipsy, and the trek home seems impossible. I didn’t want to take a cab alone. I don’t know why, but my empty one-bedroom apartment seemed like a sad place to sober up or fall asleep after such a fun evening.
I asked Tommy if some of us could go back to his place to play with the cat and watch a movie. This wasn’t code for “let’s hook up,” but a genuine request. As I expressed my apprehensions, he ran his hand over my back in a reassuring way.
His gesture surprised me. I had spent those first months at school avoiding any sort of closeness with anyone, and the casual way he put his hand on my back was so comforting. It’s easy to forget how wonderful touch can be.
At a time when I felt defensive, Tommy was so welcoming. I could be myself around him. I didn’t think anyone even noticed, because every- one was caught up in separate conversations.
The two of us went back to his place, where he loaned me a pair of boxers with little dogs on them, so I’d be more comfortable.
Instead of getting hot and heavy, or watching Indiana Jones, we ended up on his bed, cuddling and talking. I snuggled close to him, and before he put his arm around me, he asked, “Can I touch you?” It was funny and sweet and we went on to discuss only the most important things: exes, movies and sandwiches.
In the morning, he offered me clean towels so I could shower, and then we chatted casually over coffee.
The whole thing was a bit surreal, as crossing lines from business-to-ca- sual can sometimes be, and yet it was one of the best mornings I had had in months. I left with a vague sense of giddiness.
That was exactly two years ago, and we now live happily together with his cat, now at a much healthier weight.
Raquel rates her date (out of 10): 10 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com.
Tommy didn’t play mind games, or care about things that weren’t worth caring about