Curbing male violence against women
Re Why do we coddle violent, abusive men? Jan. 11 Women with abusive husbands might be well advised to get their children and themselves out of the situation as soon as possible, to escape the worst outcomes as described by the Star.
But on the practical side, there are many challenges, starting with our Family Law system in Ontario. If either party wishes to separate and calls a lawyer (assuming they have the resources to do so), they may well be advised not to leave the household and not to take the children until an agreement has been reached. Yet, the initial stages of separation involve strong emotions and are when abusive husbands are least amenable to reasoned discussion and are at greatest risk of doing something terrible.
If the woman tells her lawyer that she fears for her and the children’s safety, she may be advised to phone the police, but to understand that there could be a series of consequences outside her control. The husband may be charged criminally, possibly leading him to lose his employment and his ability to provide support. His anger may further rise, and he would not be influenced by a court order to stay away from his wife and children.
The Children’s Aid Society may become involved. The Family Law court may later hear from the husband and his legal counsel that the woman was being vexatious in calling the police and simply wanted to strengthen her case for separation.
We need to make it easier for women and their children to get away from abusive husbands, before it’s too late. Tony Dittenhoffer, Collingwood Heather Mallick wonders why men continue to bash and kill women, and why there isn’t greater condemnation of them. The main reason is that our society believes, deep down, that violence is a legitimate male attribute: it’s manly to mete out violence. The proof: ice hockey and tackle football, both immensely popular. Consider boxing and ultimate fighting: pure violence, yet touted as completely legitimate sports.
Most male violence is directed against other men. Man-on-woman violence is essentially collateral damage. Until violence is defined by our society as unmanly, as a tainting of true masculinity, the violence of men against men will never end, and likewise the violence of men against women. Steven Spencer, Pickering The bar for setting limits on men who abuse must be raised substantially. It must become socially unacceptable and more easily prosecuted when a man hurts, let alone kills, vulnerable people. Douglas Buck, Toronto