Steer clear of a Valentine’s Day first date
I met a woman through online dating. We’ve been messaging each other for about two weeks. She suggested our first date be on Valentine’s Day, but that feels like so much pressure. Can I bow out but keep her interest?
Whoa, a first date on Valentine’s Day is terribly romantic, but it is also a terrible amount of pressure. If you’ve been chatting back and forth for a few weeks, what’s a few more days?
Planning a date for Valentine’s Day can be nerve-wracking. Most of the best restaurants will be booked. And many have fixed menus that are multiple courses. What if you meet on this date and by the first course it’s falling flat? And there are still two more courses to go. Aaaaah, the pressure!
Then you’d have to decide whether or not to bring a gift. What kind of gift? How much should you spend on said gift?
Oh boy, I’d say delay this one ever so slightly and make plans for just after Valentine’s Day. To keep the flirting strong, send her a sweet message wishing her a happy Valentine’s Day and you can’t wait to meet her in person in a few days. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
I’m pretty sure my boyfriend is going to propose at the very busy restaurant we go to every year on Feb. 14. I’m a super shy person and really, really don’t want a public spectacle. Can I help gently steer this? Or do I have to just roll with it?
Allow me to be the first to congratulate you. Just how strong is your hunch that he’s going to propose? Maybe you are needlessly fretting? I remember being on vacation years ago with my now-husband, thinking he might (might!) propose.
Every time he bent down to his shoe, my heart went into my chest. He did propose, though many months later. All this is to say, your boyfriend might throw you a curveball.
If your spidey senses are bang on, you want to plant some seeds on the sort of proposal that would make you swoon. Bring up so-and-so’s very public proposal on the jumbotron and how you’d feel so much more comfortable in a quiet setting. Really hit on how much more ro- mantic it would be.
You could also tack on a little “part B” to your date and suggest that after dinner, you go for a drink or something. That way, you can stack the odds in your favour that you’ll be in that quiet, romantic setting that you are hoping for. Perhaps he’ll be inspired to pop the question there, but if he doesn’t, you’ll at least have that serene place to revel in the moment afterward.
My wife and I take turns planning date nights and mine coin- cides with Valentine’s Day, which I cannot stand. It feels so contrived. Can I just skip it?
You’re right, Valentine’s Day can feel super cheesy. But is there a way to mark the occasion that doesn’t feel silly or hokey? If you can get past the crummy stuffed animals, bad chocolate and corny flowers, maybe there is something in it for you. And it doesn’t have to cost a lot.
If you take issue with the actual date (I hear ya, it is one of my least favourite nights to go out), I mean, you could defer on your date until the weekend — but first, gauge how your wife feels about that. The bonus of celebrating Valentine’s Day after Feb. 14 is that you’ll likely have a better pick of restaurants and a better selection of menus, as many spots host a prix-fixe menu for Valentine’s Day.
Before you write it off, be open to figuring out how to celebrate in a way that doesn’t feel so contrived. Etiquette expert Karen Cleveland answers your questions about life online, and more. Send her your questions: karen@mannersaresexy.com