Criminal stupidity grows dull

The show: Snatch, Season 1, Episode 2 The moment: The rapping Hasidim Londoners Albert (Luke Pasqualino) and Charlie (Rupert Grint) are in debt to gangsters. They’ve agreed to ferry three Brooklyn diamond merchants named Heimel, and their stash of stones, from Gatwick airport to a powerful fence.

Charlie’s eyes widen in glee when he spies the Hasidim, striding in slow motion like Reservoir Dogs. The three settle in the back seat of a minivan. “Where can we have a little fun around here?” Heimel No. 1 asks.

“What kind of fun are you referring to?” Charlie asks. “Mad fun, da,” replies Heimel No. 2. “All work and no play makes Abel a dull boy,” No. 1 says. No. 2 passes out tabs of MDMA. “Turn up the music,” No. 1 orders, and all three begin furiously rapping to Run DMC’s “It’s Tricky.”

This 10-hour series borrows the choppy, stop-start style from Guy Ritchie’s 2000 film of the same name. Unfortunately, it borrows everything that’s frantic, florid and faux-gangsta about it, too.

Alongside the rapping Hasidim, there are dirty boxers, mob-connected Cuban club owners and not one but two self-serving, hardboiled dames. There’s also a father/ son arc, as Albert tries to escape the shadow of his crooked dad Vic (Dougray Scott), who’s still running heists from prison.

Under all the noise, though, the plot keeps taking the same wrong turn: the lads repeatedly trip on their ineptitude. Criminality can be fun. But too much criminal stupidity will make Snatch a dull show. Snatch streams on CraveTV. Johanna Schneller is a media connoisseur who zeroes in on pop-culture moments. She usually appears Monday through Thursday.