Fun night of clubbing not worth risking friendship

My close friend, “A,” her live-in girlfriend, “B,” and a former guy roommate are all early 20s. When the two women started dating, the one I’ve known since ninth grade, “A,” asked the guy to move out. Her new love, “B” broke up with an ex-girlfriend to move in. But the guy started to Skype with “B’s” ex. He ended up moving in with this ex for a while, enraging my close friend’s partner “B.”

My friend is trying to maintain her friendship with him, but her partner can’t forgive him for dating the ex.

Now he’s celebrating his birth- day soon, in his home state, and rented a party bus to pick up his friends. He didn’t invite that couple. I assumed it was because they don’t like clubbing or had to work.

I told my friend that I was going to club with him in his home state and she got very angry with me.

She said I shouldn’t go where the “abusive” ex is also invited. I didn’t know about abuse, I thought there was just resentment about “cheating” and the messy breakup. My friend doesn’t want me to go.

I got very angry. I don’t know what to believe and want nothing to do with this. But I really want to go.

I need a night out. I’ve been on stress leave for four months and have barely seen anyone other than my family or boyfriend since.

I want to dress up and feel sexy and have fun for a night, and don’t have anyone to do that with but the birthday boy. I also want to be there for him.

However, if my close friend finds out, she’ll be angry with me. I don’t want to choose sides. I’m keeping my mouth shut about what I’ll do.

Now I feel like a backstabber and a terrible person. I don’t know what to do from here. I thought we were too old for this high school drama. Still in Drama

It sure sounds like high school drama!

But there are several relationships interconnecting here, which isn’t uncommon even among adults and can stir up a lot of emotions.

Since your main interest is your long-standing close friendship, the drama can stop with you.

There are other ways to de-stress and have fun without risking an important relationship. Besides, stirring this mess may cause you greater stress.

If your own boyfriend truly can’t go dancing or do something fun with you, go out with other “unconnected” friends. Or do something else. I have three younger brothers, ages 60 to 69. Our parents are deceased. My husband and I invited the three brothers, all single, to dinner.

Averbal attack occurred toward the youngest brother for mentioning the word religion as soon as we sat down. The middle brother then made abusive and bullying comments toward the younger brother, also raising past wrongs. They all continued while my husband sat in shock.

The youngest brother left immediately after dinner, having apologized for his part to both of us. The others didn’t apologize. I’ve not had communication with either of them. How Best To Handle?

Contact all three brothers and say you’d prefer to maintain a family connection, but you and your husband won’t accept the disrespect they showed in your home.

There is history between those three and it’s clear, despite his apology, that the younger brother knew that “religion” is an incendiary topic between them.

Meet them separately, if and when you’re ready to see them again.

Tip of the day Stay out of other friends’ dramas, especially if you’re already experiencing stress. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.