Understanding the actions of sexual assault victims

Moments after the news broke earlier this month that Bill Cosby would be returning to court for a retrial on Nov. 6, social media exploded with comments of joy, elation and relief.

The first trial began on June 5 and, following a two-week hearing, Judge Steven O’ Neill declared a mistrial when the jury deliberated for more than 52 hours and could not reach a verdict. Cosby was accused by Andrea Constand of drugging and sexually assaulting her at his home outside Philadelphia in 2004.

Different advocacy groups and Cosby accusers have already set up Facebook and private message threads with plans of being present at the second trial. For some, it is a second chance to confront their alleged abuser.

For others, it is an opportunity to connect with women who have experienced some type of abuse or assault in their lifetime. And for some, it is just a chance to be present and offer strength and hope to anyone affected. I have been counselling survivors of sexual assault and abuse for more than 20 years. I am also a childhood sexual abuse survivor.

After attending most of the first trial, I began thinking more about how I can educate our society on post-traumatic stress disorder and the complexity of recounting assault in court after living through such a horrific experience.

During the proceedings I found myself feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin. Over and over parts of the deposition were read in court. Specific details of Constand’s account were repeated and comments made by Cosby were also read several times. The defence team went after Constand’s inconsistencies in her account of the night she was allegedly attacked.

I have been listening to patients tell me stories of their abuse, assault or childhood trauma for years. I have never met a patient who came to therapy and was able to tell me his or her story from beginning to end.

On most occasions, the uncovering of the trauma is like looking at a jigsaw puzzle scattered around my office. Rather than finding the edge pieces to start the puzzle, patients will pick random parts of the story to begin. A lot of times patients will tell me something that happened right after they realized they were raped, and then act like it was not so.

Once someone begins to voice the trauma, it is common to then deny, “I ever said anything like that.” No one wants to believe they could have been hurt in such a deep way, especially when the hurt is inflicted by a friend, parent, partner or any type of authority figure.

The shame and fear of being disbelieved and the horror becomes the biggest obstacle to speaking.

I have never met a patient who told me they were present in their body and mind while being assaulted. Most will say, “I felt like I was watching myself being raped” or “All I could do is focus on the blue paint on the wall and not look at the person’s face.”

Dissociation is a defence mechanism most of us are born with and when we are living through any type of trauma, it is our body’s way of keeping us alive. When I was abused, I left my body completely and also found ways to erase the memories of my abuse the next day so I could function. I went to school the next day. I went to dance class. And I found a way to stay sane.

No one person is affected or copes exactly the same during or after any type of assault. The importance of a retrial in the Cosby case is that it gives another opportunity to understand why Constand had inconsistencies in her story, why she stayed in a relationship with the famous comedian and actor after she said he assaulted her, and why it took her a long time to break her silence.

I am hopeful this jury will understand that Constand’s choices after the assault and the inconsistencies in her reporting make the story more believable. If a patient could come in to session and tell me the play by play of an assault without any lapses in memory or judgment, I would be amazed.

Shari Botwin is a licensed clinical social worker who has been counselling survivors of trauma and sexual assault in her New Jersey private practice for more than 20 years. She can be contacted at sharilcsw@comcast.net and her website is sharibotwin.com.