Read­ers crit­i­cal of man’s ‘greedy’ spouse

Toronto Star - - LIFE - El­lie

Re­gard­ing the af­flu­ent grand­fa­ther whose wish to spend $5,000 an­nu­ally for six years, on his two young grand­chil­dren, up­sets his com­mon-law spouse (June 22):

Reader 1: “This is NOT his girl­friend’s busi­ness.

“She should ap­pre­ci­ate his kind and gen­er­ous char­ac­ter. She’s lucky to have a man who prom­ises her a life of se­cu­rity. “She’s selfish and petty. “No, I’m not a man but an at­trac­tive, high-earn­ing pro­fes­sional woman who feels con­tempt for women who make money grabs in­stead of tak­ing care of them­selves.”

Reader 2: “Never does he ex­press that he isn’t con­sid­er­ing his part­ner and their fu­ture. He’s say­ing his re­tire­ment value is at $1.6 mil­lion and hers will add $500,000. With fi­nan­cial ad­vice, he feels that THEY will be OK in the fu­ture.”

Reader 3: “A fi­nan­cially re­spon­si­ble grand­fa­ther want­ing to spoil his grand­chil­dren shouldn’t be a prob­lem.”

Reader 4: “His two kids (27 and 30) are on their own; her two kids (20 and 23) still live with them. If they’re not pay­ing mar­ket rent, util­i­ties and their share of gro­ceries, her chil­dren are re­ceiv­ing well more than $5,000 per year.”

Reader 5: “It’s his money, they’ve only been to­gether for eight years, it’s his right to spend on his grand­kids.”

Reader 6: “His girl­friend’s po­si­tion will di­vide her stepchil­dren/ grand­chil­dren from her­self and her chil­dren.

“The cou­ple both bring in­de­pen­dent wealth to their union. Per­haps sep­a­rate ac­counts could be the so­lu­tion, but my feel­ing is that she wants it all.”

Reader 7: “This won­der­ful grand­fa­ther is en­joy­ing his money and spend­ing $5,000 a year on lessons and ex­pe­ri­ences for his grand­chil­dren. It’s his right and plea­sure.” Reader 8: “His com­mon-law part­ner is jeal­ous and greedy. The fact that he’s close with his grown chil­dren is won­der­ful and she should ap­pre­ci­ate it.”

Reader 9: “My money is just that — and I wouldn’t let or like some­one to tell me what to do. I’m fe­male, re­tired and have the means to do the same as this man.

“All women should take fi­nan­cial re­spon­si­bil­ity and do their best to be self-re­liant.”

Reader 10: “Ku­dos to this man who knows this is the time when fam­i­lies are stressed for ex­tra cash.”

Reader 11: “On a per­cent­age ba­sis, $5,000 an­nu­ally on $1.6 mil­lion as­sets at age 55 is noth­ing.

“These as­sets will con­tinue to grow and be worth sig­nif­i­cantly more as the cou­ple age. They have plenty of dis­pos­able in­come with­out touch­ing their as­sets.”

Reader 12: “I’ve been privy to a num­ber of such unions and ul­ti­mately the es­tate was left to the se­cond wife and her chil­dren, with the chil­dren of the hus­band be­ing left high and dry.”

El­lie: Some in­ter­est­ing facts about the above re­sponses: ALL were writ­ten by women who dis­agreed with the spouse’s po­si­tion. No men sent com­ments on this is­sue.

Though the grand­fa­ther con­sid­ers the woman his com­mon-law “wife,” sev­eral women dis­missed her as his “girl­friend.”

Also, though she works and will re­ceive a de­cent re­tire­ment pen­sion, she’s con­sid­ered by some women to be mak­ing a “money grab.”

I was also cas­ti­gated for “sid­ing with her” (I don’t mind, as I be­lieve read­ers’ opin­ions add to the gen­eral topic de­bate).

Yet what I sug­gested was that there may be deeper re­la­tion­ship rea­sons for her need to feel they’re mak­ing long-term de­ci­sions to­gether.

It’s a com­mon in­se­cu­rity un­der­ly­ing cou­ples’ fights, not only about money.

In fact, I was clear that they could well af­ford his gen­eros­ity.

I’m fe­male, re­tired and have the means to do the same as this man. All women should take fi­nan­cial re­spon­si­bil­ity and do their best to be self-re­liant

Tip of the Day Fi­nan­cial di­vides are not un­com­mon in post-di­vorce unions. If trust is miss­ing, re­as­sur­ance and/or coun­selling is needed. Read El­lie Mon­day to Satur­day. Email el­lie@thes­ or visit her web­site, el­liead­ Fol­low @el­liead­vice.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.