Day at the Ex with $50
CNE veteran wants to let his inner child out, hopping on the Polar Express and bumper car rides
Afamily tradition, I’ve gone to the CNE every year of my life that I can remember. I come with a plan, knowing every ride I want to go on as soon as I get there, after a stop at the Tiny Tom Donut stand (which is vastly superior to every other CNE mini-donut brand), of course. But this time was different, because of the $50 budget I was assigned, which included $19 admission. After a quick scan of the midway, it was go-time. $21.25 — ride tickets While Vjosa brought her appetite to the CNE, I came to let out my inner-child. Making a beeline for the ticket booth, I started out by buying 12 tickets for $15. That got me on two rides: Polar Express (six tickets) and the bumper cars (five tickets). There I was, a grown man and fully licensed driver, ramming into dozens of tweens with braces. It felt good.
But with one useless ticket left, and an overpowering desire to take a ride on the swings, I purchased five more tickets for $6.25 (which ended up putting me slightly over budget). It turns out I had missed a deal all along, because for 75 more cents, I could have guaranteed myself eight rides in total. Learn from my mistakes. $5 — games No day at a fair is complete without at least one try at the midway games. Eager to prove my strength, I walked up to the hammer game, where I was told I had three tries to hit a black metal slab with a sledgehammer. “Hold it like a hockey stick, not a baseball bat,” Tony, the compassionate man running the game, told me.
My best score, measured on a vertical bar that provides a very descriptive assessment of your level of strength, was “go girl!” It was a rung higher than “big boy,” but not quite at “fat cat.”
Still, my performance was good enough to land me an oversized red, blow-up baseball bat. Tony was his ever-reassuring self.
“That’s OK, it’s not every day you have to swing with a sledgehammer,” he said. $5 — massage I’m not going to lie, the day wasn’t perfect. For one thing, some rides weren’t ready in the first few hours of opening day, like the Ferris Wheel and drop-zone, two of my personal favourites. I also searched the entire grounds for my annual treat, a delicious giant pickle, which I was told by one customer service agent was no longer available in the food building.
To relieve my anger, I headed to the EnerCare Centre, packed with vendors, and sat down on the $9,000 Panasonic massage chair. It was the most relaxing five minutes of my life.
“We create our own activity by people enjoying the massage at the fair. It’s a full-body massage,” said vendor Jim Markley, adding people can also pay $10 for 15 minutes in the chair. “(We like) making people smile and happy.”
Unfortunately, I had no money leftover for my precious Tiny Tom donuts.