Dashing and dragging to the finish line
Game of Thrones’ season finale had deaths, dragons and lulls as a deadly force approaches
Warning: Spoilers from the Game of Thrones Season 7 finale.
Seven episodes have never flown by so quickly in Game of Thrones as all the major players assemble in King’s Landing.
Bronn and Jaime are treated to a show of strength from the Unsullied and Dothraki ground forces. Jaime’s pained look — like he maybe ate too much cheese — says it all: They can’t hope to win. Also, Greyworm is still alive! Hey, Greyworm!
Meanwhile, Jon, Tyrion and the gang arrive at King’s Landing, with ice zombie in tow, ready to convince Cersei they need to join forces to fight the threat in the north.
This entire season has suffered from a bit of Whiplash syndrome — that is, it’s either rushing or dragging. And the final episode is no different. All sides are moving at transporter speeds, but when they meet, they have inconsequential “how have you been?” chats that really slow things down. I don’t need the Hound and Brienne to talk about how vicious Arya has become because we see it later.
Anyway, everybody at this meeting would like to see the other side dead, including the Clegane brothers. The Hound and the Mountain have a bit of a faceoff, but it’s not the “Clegane Bowl” fans have been hoping for. More of a weigh-in before the fight. Hopefully, that coming battle is more exciting than Mayweather versus McGregor.
Daenerys swoops in on Drogon, who, I’m sorry, is really cute for a dragon. He reminds me of my cat.
“You’re late,” snits Cersei, but Dany has seen The Princess Diaries, so she knows that a queen is never late; everyone else is simply early.
Tyrion speechifies a bit and then the Hound releases the ice zombie, which is chained, but barely. It goes right for Cersei and Jon demonstrates what will kill it: Fire and Dragonglass. Maybe drowning. That’s it. Euron Greyjoy sees this display and is ready to jet. Since they can’t swim, he’d rather wait out the winter on the Iron Isles and be the only one left come spring. He encourages Cersei to do the same before transporting back to his home planet.
Cersei says she’ll accept their truce and help, so long as the north doesn’t choose sides. Jon Snow being Jon Snow — earnest and honest to a fault — tells her he can’t promise that because he’s already pledged his loyalty to Daenerys. Every single person in the dragon pit rolls their eyes because that’s all Cersei needs to cut the talk short. Tyrion: “Have you ever considered learning how to lie every now and then? Just a bit!?” He decides he needs to talk to his sister to salvage this mess.
She blames him for the destruction of the Lannister family, particularly their father Tywin’s death, which Tyrion accepts, and the subsequent death of at least two of her children. Tyrion insists he loved the children (not Joffrey, he was awful). She makes as though she’s going to have the Mountain kill him, but Tyrion calls her bluff. She tells him she doesn’t care about the world, only about her family. This has always been Cersei’s jam, and both the way she cradles her stomach and avoids a glass of the house red tell Tyrion that she’s pregnant.
They must exchange more words but I can’t guess what they are. Eventually, Cersei emerges and tells everyone she’ll send the Lannister army to fight. “When the great war is over, I hope you will remember, I chose to help.”
Except she doesn’t want to help. When she catches Jaime rallying the troops, she reveals her intention is to let the white walkers destroy her enemies as Euron Greyjoy goes to buy the services of a mercenary army known as the Golden Company. “Do you really think Euron abandoned the chance to marry the queen? No one walks away from me,” she says.
Nobody but Jaime. Being had by his sister/lover is too much for him and he also calls her bluff. Big day for Lannister bluff-calling. Jaime is finally out from under his sister’s thrall. Later, dressed in shabby black clothing, he rides out of King’s Landing alone. As he pulls a glove over his golden hand, a single snowflake falls, a reminder that winter is coming.
After they teleport back to Dragonstone, Jon and Daenerys discuss their strategy for introducing her to the northern people. They decide to sail there together, giving each other the bedroom eyes. Then it’s Theon’s turn to talk with Jon, who forgives him and says that if he wants to do what’s right, he should just, y’know, do it. Theon immediately Does The Right Thing. They should have had this talk decades ago.
Theon tells the would-be leader of the Greyjoys they should find his sister, Yara. The leader disagrees. Vehemently. It looks grim for Theon until the man tries to kick him where the sun don’t shine, but the sun hasn’t shone there for quite some time. Theon kills the leader and tells the group their new mission is to find and rescue Yara.
I like Alfie Allen and what he’s done with a thoroughly unlikeable character. It’s a nice moment of redemption for Theon as he kneels at the sea and tosses some water on his battered face, baptizing himself anew.
At Winterfell, Sansa and Littlefinger scheme. He tells her to imagine the worst possible scenario concerning Arya. Sansa guesses that Arya wants to use her skills as a faceless man to kill her and act as lady of Winterfell. So, they call Arya in.
Sansa, flanked by Bran, begins to question her sister in front of the Knights of the Vale and Littlefinger, who grins, thrilled that his plan to turn sister against sister is working. But Sansa’s not talking to Arya. This is actually an impromptu trial for Lord Petyr Baelish. Littlefinger realizes he’s been had a shade too late.
Aidan Gillen has truly been wonderful as Littlefinger — just the right amount of moustache twirling. But also excellent has been Sophie Turner as Sansa. Littlefinger’s student has now surpassed her teacher. One by one, she reveals his crimes and as his machinations pile up, Littlefinger looks almost proud of her. All he can do is beg for his life.
Maybe the old Sansa would have let him live, but the Lady of Winterfell and her sister are not so kind. Arya quickly slits his throat and that is the end of Littlefinger. Unless of course, Arya harvests his face for later.
Sansa and Arya have one more chat as they acknowledge the worst is still to come. “In winter, we must protect ourselves,” Arya says. Sansa recognizes their father’s words. “The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.” Together, they’ll face what’s coming.
What’s coming to Winterfell is Sam. He gets down to business with Bran, whose raven power is apparently on the fritz. He believes Jon is a Dornish bastard born to Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen while Rhaegar was married to Elia Martell. Sam reveals what he knows, which is that Rhaegar had his marriage to Elia annulled so he could marry Lyanna. Bran checks in with his raven power (sometimes you just need to adjust the rabbit ears) and realizes it’s true.
Bran can’t wait to tell his cousin that he’s the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, with a better claim to it than his aunt, Daenerys. With whom he is currently having sex. Yikes.
The shorter season meant that this plot felt kind of rushed to me, but I guess we’re meant to believe that they’re not just hot for each other’s bods, they’re in love.
Bran’s raven vision kicks in again and he watches as the Night King’s army advances on the wall and unleashes a newly icy Viserion. Tormund and Beric Dondarrion are there as Viserion uses his winterfresh dragon’s breath to take out a huge portion of the wall.
The army of the dead trudges past the wall, a chilling sight that brings Season 7 to a close.