He didn’t pick up on my signals
Though my gut said the date was over right away, I tried to shake off uneasy feelings
Lila is a 28-year-old online marketer who lives in the St. Lawrence neighbourhood. She says, “I’m a jeans and T-shirt girl, who also cleans up real nice when I have to.” She says she is “a bit quirky, friendly and fun to be with.” Lila likes to “take pictures of everything that catches my eye, hang out, have dinner, go to the beach and play games.” She says, “I’m currently very, very single. I’m looking for someone who is honest, funny and creative, and who accepts me and loves me as I am, not just parts of me. I want whoever I’m with to be my favourite person. It wouldn’t hurt if he was cute, too.”
I met Connor on a dating site. I liked his look, and that we shared a lot of interests. We started emailing back and forth, and it was going great: He was patient, funny and sweet. I really couldn’t wait to meet this guy who had already given me a reason to smile in the morning. We planned to get something to eat downtown and maybe walk around the neighbourhood after.
As I sat in the beautiful, trendy café he had chosen for dinner, I thought, for some reason, “This is it!” and “He could be the one!” After all, Connor was cute, single and interested in me, even though at the time I had a very basic profile and was using photos of me that weren’t that great. I knew we had only met online, but the connection felt real.
That thought was completely shattered the minute he flopped down at the table. The vibe between us was instantly non-existent. Connor’s body language was somehow tense but scattered at the same time. Something was just off, and my gut was telling me that the date was already over. Still, I tried to shake off the uneasy feelings.
Connor was actually a lot cuter in real life than in his photos, and was dressed stylishly in a shirt and cool jacket and skinny jeans, but I wasn’t attracted to him. I couldn’t under- stand it, because we had gotten along really well online and seemed to be a perfect fit before actually meeting.
Deciding to stick around to find out why I was having this reaction was probably not in my best interests, but curiosity got the best of me, as it always does.
Connor seemed both distracted and really into the date. He said some really nice things to me, but he didn’t seem genuine about it. He wasn’t picking up on any of my signals. He got personal too fast, asking questions that someone would usually save for much later in a relationship. He also told me some very personal things about his life, which was weird because I hadn’t answered the personal questions he had asked me. Not even halfway through the meal, I was positively sure this was not the guy for me and that my first “reallife” instinct about him had been right.
After we ate, I asked for the bill, which I had already decided to pay, and started explaining to him very calmly and gently that I didn’t think we made a good couple. I thought that would be the end of it and we could go our separate ways.
Instead, he started to debate me. He told me that he thought we should try to date and went on to list all the things we had in common. He wanted to know why I felt this way. I didn’t have any answers for him. I was going on pure instinct and wasn’t really able to pinpoint one specific thing. Trying to argue with me about it instead of respecting what I had to say wasn’t helping his case much, however.
I basically told him that it wasn’t him, it was me. I felt a deep sense of guilt, even though I was being polite and straightforward. I felt an urgent need to get away from him, but I didn’t want to be rude. I couldn’t muster up enough courage to just leave, and kept explaining myself and feeling bad about it. Sighing inwardly, I told him I just wasn’t feeling it.
Finally, we left. Connor offered to take me home in a cab, which was reasonable: most guys are taught to be polite in that way. Deciding to continue to listen to my gut, I declined.
For some reason, after all that, he asked me for my number, which I hadn’t given him when we had been emailing. I didn’t give it to him then, either. I learned a lot from this date, but mostly that I was right to trust my instincts. Lila rates her date (out of 10): 1 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com