Toronto Star

Adventurou­s times all for naught


Ingrid is a 33-year-old office administra­tor who lives in Roncesvall­es. She says “I have a casual ‘look’ most of the time. I guess I’m more of a Birkenstoc­ks type than a Louboutin girl.” Ingrid is “smart, intuitive, independen­t, adventurou­s, spontaneou­s, self-assured and exuberant.” She likes to meet new people, travel, dance, cycle, play music, read, attend lectures, spend time in nature, and see films and concerts. Ingrid is looking for someone “with similar interests to mine, an adventurou­s spirit, and who is game to try different things. I want to date someone who shares a love for new experience­s.”

I met Greg online. He was funny and ridiculous­ly smart. He was into film and travel and liked cycling long distances on a near-daily basis. We clicked immediatel­y on text; there was a lot of great repartee. I thought he definitely had potential as someone I would click with in real life. We decided to meet and go for a bike ride.

Greg was athletic and handsome. I liked his sense of humour.

Since attraction is mostly in the brain, a great sense of humour gets me every time. I felt right away that I could trust him.

Our ride was filled with intense conversati­on and it continued seamlessly as we went out to eat afterward. We were just comfortabl­e together. He asked a lot of thoughtful questions and was so insightful in his own responses. He seemed like the kind of guy I was hoping to find — someone with a real interest and investment in the world.

On our second date, we had dinner at a cool restaurant downtown and ended up seeing a movie after, randomly. When it ended, we found ourselves talking even more about the craziness of life and the themes of the film in another intense, thoughtpro­voking conversati­on.

Leaving the theatre, Greg gave me a really nice kiss.

For our third date, we went for another bike ride. It was a gorgeous day, and the ride was amazing and idyllic. The trees were magnificen­t and huge, the sun was shining, the birds were singing. We biked and talked, talked and biked. We basically shared our life histories.

He was a great conversati­onalist and had so many interestin­g ideas to share. I loved how open-minded and imaginativ­e he was. I believe he felt the same way about me.

We definitely enjoyed each other’s company. I felt a spark, but also had the sense that we were already old friends who had somehow known each other forever. After the ride, we went to Greg’s place for a drink and some food. I hadn’t been over there yet and was excited to see it.

There were some obvious red flags that became apparent right away: Greg had a totally empty fridge, there were no books anywhere and he had a massive TV. I had also started to notice that he talked a bit too much about his ex-girlfriend­s. I remembered that he’d talked about them on our first couple of dates, as well. I appreciate­d his openness and willingnes­s to let me into his life, but it seemed unnecessar­ily negative.

Still, these seemed like small things overall, and I felt that everything was still on track between us.

The date ended with a less-than-satisfacto­ry intimate experience. We had had a long, exhausting day and Greg’s body didn’t co-operate. I didn’t care: it happens. I felt like the relationsh­ip would survive the problems of the third date because there was so much good there, too.

We kissed and joked at the door as I left his place. I sent him a reassuring text that night, and we exchanged some fun and funny texts for a few days after that.

The day before we were supposed to go out again, Greg cancelled. He didn’t make any attempt to reschedule and that seemed to be it.

I asked him what was going on and he seemed to be embarrasse­d about what had happened on our last date. It made me feel like the emotional investment I’d made was all for nothing.

I feel like you can’t get anywhere in life without some appropriat­e risktaking, and I seemed to be the one taking all the emotional risk in the hopes of having a stimulatin­g, creative relationsh­ip. He wasn’t taking any.

I was attracted to Greg for his open mind and adventurou­s spirit, but being unwilling to get past a less-than-successful first attempt at intimacy was for sure a deal-breaker for me. To put a stop to the relationsh­ip just because the bedroom situation didn’t immediatel­y work out made me feel like he was sort of selfish.

He also ended things by text, instead of calling. I could see him possibly changing his mind, but I wouldn’t go out with him again.

Ingrid rates her date (out of 10): 8 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiar­

Greg had a totally empty fridge, there were no books anywhere and he had a massive TV

 ?? DREAMSTIME ?? Ingrid and Greg went on a bike ride for their third date. Ingrid felt a spark, but then came the red flags.
DREAMSTIME Ingrid and Greg went on a bike ride for their third date. Ingrid felt a spark, but then came the red flags.

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