The NFL stands as one (buy the T-shirt)
Fans, friends, family — because football is family — we here at the National Football League are gathered here to listen to “The StarSpangled Banner” in unity. Even better, unity and respect. Better still: We are gathered here in unity, in respect, and in solidarity. Wait, that is a little communist-sounding, solidarity. Strike that. OK: We are gathered here in unity, in respect, in brotherhood, in peace, in harmony, and most of all in accord, in alliance, in unanimity, in oneness, in sameness, and in indivisibility. Thank you to George for bringing the Thesaurus.
We here at the National Football League are also honouring the troops, the flag, and the great country that made so many of us rich. It is like we put it in our statement: “The NFL and our players are at our best when we help create a sense of unity for our country and our culture.”
That is an inspiring thought, we think.
After all, why kneel to call attention to division when you can link arms to show unity? Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers even asked the entire stadium to link arms. They did not, and fair enough: If linking arms forces you to put down your nachos and beer, we will gracefully accept a “U-S-A!” chant. Thank you, Wisconsin.
Because if you all chant at once, we will be unified!
There has been a lot of divisive talk in the NFL of late, which we at the league find so very regrettable. Division has become a problem in this country very recently, in the last 160 years or so.
And we at the NFL are distressed by the divisiveness. Like a CNN poll that says 49% of Americans think the protesting players are doing the wrong thing by kneeling during the anthem, and 43% say it’s the right thing, and that “those views are sharply divided by race, partisanship and age.”
Or the same poll finding that 50 per cent of the President’s support- ers claim they will boycott the NFL, versus 10 per cent of Democrats. As Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson said: “Politicizing the game is damaging and takes the focus off the greatness of the game itself and those who play it.”
As @RandiLawson wrote on Twitter, “Never could’ve guessed in our country’s divorce, that the left would get custody of football.”
Therefore, a call for unity. We applaud our owners who locked arms with players. We applaud the players who locked arms with teammates and owners. We denounce the death threats against some people and performers who kneeled. You sure don’t see those for people who lock arms, are we right? Did we mention we support the troops? We would like to emphasize this.
Now, some may say that to promote unity without a specific notion of what you are unifying for is an empty gesture. Some say that if you claim unity as your cause, anybody apart from that will by definition be opposed to unity.
But we say unity should be humanity’s greatest goal, and if you want to stand apart from the rest of us, that’s on you, pally.
Some might prefer to listen to the actual concerns behind any protest, in an attempt to consider the world as it is: complex, often unfair, full of nuance and in dire need of empathy. But would you not prefer football simply be a Coca-Cola commercial?
Of course, Pepsi is the official cola of the National Football League, so perhaps it is more like that deleted Pepsi commercial where a Kardashian sister hands a policeman a Pepsi to defuse a slightly tense situation involving attractive multiracial protests, while being photographed by a woman in a hijab.
Yes. Yes, now that we think of it, it is exactly like that. We at the NFL are in favour of unity, of standing together to watch NFL games, to buy NFL merchandise, to play as NFL teams, and to demonstrate a unity unlike the world has ever seen. Glossy, glossy, impenetrable unity.
Last week, this space went 5-11. Let us now come together to agree that we must be unified in the face of this challenge, and strive for better. As always, all lines could change.