Pain-free strategies for bringing the kids along
Parenting therapist advises heading out with a plan, as well as toys and snacks
No one wants to fall off the sanity wagon while Black Friday shopping. Let’s face it: surviving what is quickly becoming one of the nation’s most popular spending days — with a child or more in tow, no less — is not for the faint of heart.
Whether you’re hoping to score the newest laptop or a larger-than-life big-screen TV, or you’re attempting to cross off items on your holiday list, these expert strategies for staying calm when you have to bring the kiddos along on a Black Friday shopping trip should help.
“Simply put, Black Friday is shopping mayhem,” says Alyson Schafer, a Toronto-based parenting therapist and author of Ain’t Misbehavin. “Shopping with children on a regular day can be challenging, but combine the two events and you’ve got the potential for a perfect storm.”
The main issue: When parents are stressed and on a savings-finding mission, they’re more likely to inadvertently be less attuned to their children, and to have a shorter fuse for dealing with outbursts from their offspring.
This invites worse behaviour in their children, causing a downward spiral to emerge, which leads to frustrated parents who are triggered more easily by their kids’ misbehaviour, and so they correct their children more harshly than they normally would.
The result is even more misbehaviour from their kids, and so the cycle continues, she says.
The solution? Patience mixed with a dose of trial and error. For some, online shopping may be the best way to avoid emotional meltdowns from both parents and kids, while other families may do better to be strategic about the time they choose to hit stores.
“In an ideal situation, parents would do this kind of shopping on their own, but since sometimes there’s no choice but to bring kids along, the best way to proceed is with a plan,” Schafer says.
“Personally, I’d advise an early morning departure — just not too early — so kids are fresh and well rested, and have a full stomach from breakfast before starting the shopping adventure,” she says.
Packing a snack survival kit with water and healthy food options (look for ones heavy on protein and fibre to keep kids fuller for a longer time) is another meltdown prevention tip. “You may not need them once you’re in the thick of the day, but bringing a variety of offerings along just in case means you won’t have to stop shopping to deal with thirst or hunger issues.”
In that vein, Schafer says another great way to help minimize unexpected issues during your shopping blitz is to do a run-through of the day ahead, the night before.
Have a discussion about the stores you’ll visit and items you’re looking to grab, and decide whether to give your child one or two items/gifts to keep their eyes peeled for during the jaunt.
Schafer adds this would also be the ideal time to talk about whether your child(ren) has permission to purchase any toys for themselves.
“Both of these measures will help minimize in-store begging and give kids an idea of what to expect for the day, which benefits everyone involved.”
Consider hauling along a handful of portable toys and time fillers — think colouring and activity books, and/or handheld games or devices — and anything new and special to distract kids when in a pinch.
Just keep in mind the chaos of the day may lend itself to forgetfulness, so avoid tiny, easily lost items, and do your best to periodically keep an eye on items brought along for the ride.
And, should all else fail and boredom strikes, put the shopping on hold and introduce a fun, kid-centric game.
“That may mean sitting on a bench playing I Spy for 10 minutes while you drink a coffee, letting them play a game on an iPad, tablet or your phone for a short stint, or working your way to the part of the mall or store where there’s an indoor play area or equipment,” Schafer says.
Stores such as Indigo and Chapters offer fun retail spaces with activities for kids, and many malls have play destinations with ferris wheels or bumper cars, so Schafer suggests investigating those options, too.
Lastly, do all you can to keep the day as relaxed as possible.
Don’t over-schedule yourself, refuse to be rude or fight with other shoppers — even if they get the last of the (fill in the blank here) you so desperately wanted — and remember you’re teaching your kids how to treat other people, whether you realize it or not.
“It’s important to note that you’re out looking for ‘stuff’ and if you don’t score the latest and greatest piece of technology or designer goods, it’s not worth losing your mind over,” Schafer says. “So be it.”
“Shopping with children on a regular day can be challenging, but combine the two events and you’ve got the potential for a perfect storm.” ALYSON SCHAFER PARENTING THERAPIST