Pantone’s colour of the year choice leaves us purplexed
Looking ahead to 2018, what is the Pantone colour of the year?
I mean that literally. What are they talking about?
The Pantone people say their yearly choice is “a symbolic colour selection; a colour snapshot of what we see taking place in our global culture that serves as an expression of a mood and an attitude.”
So it must be black, then. Deep bottom-of-the-well black. Look, it’s a way to flog paint, or to keep people thinking “I must paint!” — which is handy since it’s the only public statement of despair most Americans can afford to make until the November mid-terms.
As it turns out, the Pantone colour of 2018 is ultra violet. “A dramatically provocative and thoughtful purple shade, PANTONE 18-3838 Ultra Violet communicates originality, ingenuity, and visionary thinking that points us toward the future.”
Good luck with that. I cannot think of any event this year that presaged those qualities being highly valued in 2018, which will bring us Peak Trump, if only because I don’t see Trump lasting into 2019. He could be impeached, or expire, or go out with a bang this February at the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics.
Ultra violet is a regal colour, if you’re thinking of a Trump Empire crashing to the ground. The only person seen wearing it lately has been the Queen. But she dresses in loud colours as a courtesy to the public who need a way to spot her in a crowd. I see I am sliding away from my subject which is the hue of the moment.
Jo Ellison, fashion editor of the Financial Times, had this to say about Pantone purple. “I hate it.” It reminds her of hippies in the 1970s and all that astrological flapdoodle, wizards and whatnot.
I didn’t like last year’s colour, Greenery, which was all about new beginnings. Look how that turned out. I haven’t liked a Pantone colour since 2012 when it was Tangerine Tango but to no good purpose. You’re not going to paint your walls a pinky orange. At most you might do your summer toenails that colour so they look extra-awful as they chip.
I say the Paint Colour of the Year should have been the greyish-white of a Republican senator’s hair. Pantone’s grey table offers 100 shades but only Cool Gray 1XGC comes close. In the white table, White Alyssum white comes closest. It’s a dirty white.
Anyway, in these grim times, Pantone should expand into other areas of sensory perception. If ultra violet is the colour of Peak Trump, what is the texture? I say Vaseline Petroleum Jelly. It’s greasy, it’s not sticky but it does stick, and it’s always the last plumbing lubricant of choice.
Flavour of 2018: Hot fat. It’s inspired by Trump’s daily diet: two Big Macs; two Filet-o-Fish; a chocolate milkshake; and a dozen cans of Diet Coke. It’s basically Surf ‘n’ Turf but with fizzy notes. Mouth feel? Frictionless but gassy.
Fragrance of 2018: Freshly printed money. Louise Linton’s nail beds.
Mood of 2018: Ironic. Sardonic. Generally icky. It’s the tone of a Michael Haneke movie, dark, darker, and about to crash. “I was angry I was subjected to that” — Variety. “Now I’m sad” — People magazine.
Fashion item of 2018: The pocket square.
Outline of 2018: Voluminous ballooning. Think Melania Trump’s sleeves by Roksanda, the designer she favours and whose career is about to tank. Think Trump’s indoor overcoats in museums celebrating Black History. Top boy’s name: Flambeau. Top girl’s name: Antebellum. Diamond cut of 2018: Pear-shaped. Gesture: Eye roll. Favourite place: Stuck in traffic. Most likely reaction of 2018: Nuclear. I have a better set of suggestions for next year, though. Colour of 2018: Rainbow. Texture of 2018: Armour. Flavour: Healthy Spinach or any other green vegetable stuffed with iron. Mouth feel: Tough as Nails. Fragrance: Fresh Air. Mood: Stalwart. Fashion item of 2018: Sensible pants. Outline: Oblong or Square, nothing fancy. Top boy’s name: Michelle. Top girl’s Name: Barack. And so on. There’s no law that says 2018 need be as awful as the previous record-setting year. Next year we can be courteous, factual, sensible and a model for the younger generation. We will not flail or lose our cool.
Stance of 2018: Sturdy, with a touch of Beneficent.
Ultra violet is a regal colour, if you’re thinking of a Trump Empire crashing to the ground. The only person seen wearing it lately has been the Queen