A CHRISTMAS CLICHÉ
W’s back-to-back holiday movies follow the same storyline.
The show: My Christmas Secret/ Note/Calendar/Melody to Remember, Snowed Inn With My Christmas Prince at Evergreen/Holly Lodge/ Mistletoe Inn The moment: The inevitable kiss
Gretchen/Christine/Chloe/Samantha is a teacher/romance novelist/baker/innkeeper who used to believe in Christmas but doesn’t anymore. (She/her mom/the Christmas ghost she meets is played by Jamie-Lynn Sigler/Lacey Chabert/Cindy Williams/anyone who used to have a TV series.)
When her marriage ends/spouse dies/job fails/parent falls ill, she returns to her adorable hometown, which always has a snow-covered, overdecorated main street. She runs into her ex-boyfriend/guy she used to crush on/handsome male work rival and something magic happens. The whole town gets involved in her advent calendar/secret admirer/ baking contest/inn renovation/ dance performance/town gazebo decorating project and she learns that the true meaning of Christmas is to be a friend/slow down/let love in.
Then, just as it begins to snow/ carolers arrive/the town square tree is lit, David/Kevin/Alex, Prince of Madelvia leans over and smooches her on the old-timey carousel/porch swing/hearth.
Billed as the “Biggest Gift Ever,” W is showing back-to-back holiday movies every day this month and wow, I did not realize how many women dream about opening a bakery.
Clearly, market research shows that W’s audience is stressed out and wants to watch only pretty-butnot-model-pretty heroines in cute red coats snogging old flames with artfully stubbled cheeks. It’s like living on nothing but marshmallows and gingerbread. It’s super fun until your teeth fall out.
I’m fine with having a dream, but does it always have to be the exact same dream? Are women really this lonely, not to mention unimaginative? And if happiness really was under our noses all along, as these movies insist, um, wouldn’t we all be happy by now? WNetwork’s back-to-back holiday movies air through Christmas and Boxing Day. My Christmas Prince airs on Lifetime on Christmas Day. Johanna Schneller is a media connoisseur who zeroes in on pop-culture moments. She usually appears Tuesday and Thursday.