Tardiness, sloppy style make bad first impression
Kristin was left feeling cold with Tony’s inability to hold a conversation on first date
Kristin is a 42-year-old human-resources manager who lives in the east end. She says “My style is about feeling natural. I enjoy an adventurous, outdoor kind of lifestyle, especially biking and hiking, but also spending time in my backyard garden.” Kristin takes dance lessons, loves going to music festivals, museums and art galleries, and says “I’m passionate and openhearted.” Kristin says “I’ve been single for three years. I have a lot of friends, so I do have people to do different things with, but I love being alone.” Kristin wants to date someone “intelligent, who reads as much as I do, someone who is interested in ideas, social justice and the outdoors.”
I met Tony online. His look was interesting, sort of masculine and rugged. He seemed like a smart person, like he was self-educated and interested in and informed about lots of different things. I don’t care if someone has a formal education or not.
Tony’s messages were invariably funny, too, and romantic. He was very clear that he was looking for a relationship, and asked some pretty intense questions about what I wanted. I told him he was way ahead of himself. After messaging for several days I asked him if he wanted to get together.
I suggested that we have lunch at a restaurant close to my place, and then go for a winter walk in the park. I thought that was a good choice for a date because it would be in public, where it was well-populated, but also had a nice atmosphere to it. It also seemed like a date that beat the usual “meet for a coffee” cliché, by a mile.
My first impression wasn’t that great, because Tony was a half-hour late. Five more minutes and I would have left. He apologized when he arrived, at least, and explained that it had taken him longer to get there than he thought. He seemed nice and was very gentlemanly about it. He was also tall. He must have been well over six feet.
I was, however, disappointed when he took his coat off, and I saw that he had dressed too casually, almost sloppily.
I had worn a nice, new sweater with my jeans, an outfit that I had carefully chosen for the date. I also wore a bit of makeup and had selected appropriate jewelry.
I expected that my date would make a similar effort, but he obviously hadn’t. First impressions are very important. I guess some guys don’t get that.
Tony offered to pay for our drinks, which I appreciated. We sat down and talked. Tony seemed to have difficulty, or disinterest in, holding up his end of the conversation. I asked him plenty of questions and he was happy to answer them, but he was not good about reciprocating. When I thought he might ask me something to follow up on a previous point, he didn’t, and left dead air. He didn’t seem bothered by the lack of flow in the conversation.
On the walk, it became obvious that Tony didn’t like being outdoors, or at least that he wasn’t enjoying the walk. The weather was not easy, I admit, with freezing cold wind and driving snow flurries, but he seemed really bothered by it. I found it exhilarating and would have walked much further. Tony seemed happy when I suggested that we go back to the café.
I had said when we set the date that a walk would be involved, so I felt that he should have come wearing more layers, or declined the walk. The fact that he came with less than optimal clothing said to me that he probably isn’t a person who adequately plans ahead. That’s likely also why he was so late to the date. If you can’t anticipate how long it will take you to get somewhere, or what clothing you might need for an excursion, you are probably not someone who is meant to be with me.
It seemed like Tony was someone who was not currently following his muse. It didn’t seem like he was taking charge. There are many people in the world who expect other people to create their happiness for them, and I wondered if he was one of them.
When I got home, I sent him a text thanking him for his time. He was truly a nice, interesting, attractive person, just not the one for me.
Kristin rates her date (out of 10): 3 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com