Family Day can be a struggle for kids in foster care
A little girl I know — let’s call her Hannah — starts to worry when she sees Family Day on the calendar. She has the same reaction to Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Why? Because these occasions often bring up questions that make her feel uncomfortable. Sometimes teachers want to make a family tree, or kids ask her if she’s doing something with her Mom and Dad on the holiday.
Easy enough for many families, but not for Hannah.
That’s because Hannah doesn’t live with her parents. For the past year, she’s been staying with her aunt and uncle, while her parents work on some issues they need to deal with.
Hannah is just one of thousands of children in Ontario in this kind of living arrangement, and it’s becoming more common.
A generation or two ago, people often had a cookie-cutter view of families: a mother, a father, a couple of kids.
Now we recognize that families come in many different forms, including single parents with children, same-sex couples with children, families formed through adoption or surrogacy or in vitro fertilization and other combinations.
Family situations like Hannah’s though, are often forgotten.
A common misconception about Family and Children’s Services of the Waterloo Region, for instance, is that we are quick to remove children from their parents and put them in foster care. Not true. Only 3 per cent of the children we become involved with are placed in foster care for safety reasons. Most stay with their parents while their problems or challenges are worked through.
When children can’t stay safely at home, our first step is always to look for relatives or family friends who might be able to provide care to a grandchild, nephew or neighbour.
That’s what happened with Hannah. And while it’s hard for children like Hannah to explain their situations, it’s also difficult for the parents whose children may be in care or with relatives.
It’s not easy to explain why your children don’t live with you, and why you’ll be spending Family Day alone.
Just as we’ve moved on from the idea that every family means a mother, father and two kids, let’s move on from some other stereotypes.
We are grateful for the many extended family members — we call them “kin” — who have stepped up to help out when a child needed them.
We appreciate our dedicated foster families who create a home for children when kin are not available.
And we appreciate those who have made children in these situations feel welcome in their classrooms, programs and gatherings.
At Family and Children’s Services of the Waterloo Region, we want to wish everyone a Happy Family Day, whatever your family looks like.