His handsomeness masked his hideousness
Tabitha thought Hamish was a catch until their first date ended in tears Tabitha and Hamish had a free-flowing vibe, until they met in person.
Tabitha is a 37-year-old small-business owner who lives in the west end. She says “I spend all of my time in yoga pants and a hoodie, unless I have a meeting or a date, so I would describe my style as “comfortable. If it’s cotton and cosy, I’m wearing it.”
She says, “My friends and family would describe me as selfless. I have a lot of work obligations, but I still manage to spend one day a week visiting my mom, who lives a few hours away, and I volunteer with a great non-profit. Basically, I don’t sleep!” Tabitha says, “I’m really easygoing. I know everyone says that, but I really am. I just want someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and can enjoy the small moments in life.”
She’s been single for a few months and says, “I’m hopeful that I’ll find a magical connection soon.”
I met Hamish online. I really liked his profile. It was simple. He wrote about his job, sports he plays and travel. Of course, his pictures were delicious. He had that strong jawline that exudes “confident masculinity” to me, for some reason, and he had all his clothes on in his pictures, which is rare online. I have browsed through far too many pictures of half-dressed men and “fully clothed” is the level of maturity that I’m looking for.
He messaged me first and we instantly had a free-flowing vibe. We spent a few days texting back and forth, and then had a few phone calls that lasted for several hours. Our topics included our interests, pet peeves, families, travel experiences — mine are limited, but his are extensive — and our online dating experiences. It was really intense and amazing. The last time I talked to a stranger like that was in high school. He asked me to have a drink that weekend.
I arrived at the restaurant for the date really early. I was so excited. We had talked and connected so much, and I was probably more excited than I ever have been for a first date. I wore jeans, heels and a nice top: classic first-date attire.
The place was packed, but Hamish had found a good table. He stood up when he saw me and gave me a quick hug. He wasn’t smiling and he didn’t say anything about it being nice to meet me. It wasn’t at all as friendly or warm a greeting as I expected from our conversations. I was confused. Already, this didn’t feel like the same guy. He was really handsome, though.
The first thing he did when I sat down was give me a backhanded compliment about my appearance, something about how I had obviously tried hard to look good. I was already feeling let down by him, and with that comment, I started to feel really disappointed. Mostly, I was confused. I had no idea what had changed from our texts and phone calls.
Before I could say anything or defend myself, he started talking about what I was probably like, based on my appearance, how I was “one of those girls.” I couldn’t believe this super handsome guy was so insecure and wearing it on his sleeve. Especially on a first date with someone he had already connected with! I really wanted to turn it around and bring him back to our virtual connection.
It didn’t happen. I tried to talk about my day and asked him about his, but he just gave me one-word answers. He was actually watching the game on TV, which required him to literally turn his body away from me. He wasn’t talking about the game, asking me questions or engaging with me in any way.
I didn’t know what was happening. After a few minutes of silence, I asked him why he wasn’t looking at me at all. I just couldn’t figure it out. Then, he said to me that I must need a lot of attention if I want people to look at me all the time.
I started to cry. Not a huge, body-shaking cry, but a, “Wow, this is so awful” cry. Tears were rolling down my face. I was completely embarrassed, and totally disappointed and let down. Hamish didn’t say anything about it. I wiped my face quickly and tried to relax.
The waitress came back to take our orders. Hamish ordered food and when the waitress asked me what I wanted, I thanked her for asking and said I was leaving.
I got up, picked up my bag, and walked away from the table and out the door of the restaurant. I decided I would let Hamish pay for my drink. It was the least he could do for getting me out of my comfy sweats on a Saturday night for no reason. I never heard from him again.
Tabitha rates her date (out of 10): 1