Meet the Toronto boy who’s the youngest member of Mensa. He’s 4 (and three-quarters)
(and happens to be the youngest member of Mensa) Osher Ahn-Clifford’s parents did not sign him up for an IQ test as a marker of accomplishment. ‘We were looking for a tribe’ of children with similar interests and abilities. But mostly, his parents just wa
Osher Ahn-Clifford is 3 1⁄ feet tall with shaggy dark hair, 2 brown eyes and a delightful giggle that sometimes sounds like an attack of hiccups. He wears jeans, sneakers and, as often as laundry allows, a favourite black T-shirt that bears the Pi symbol. He enjoys cruising through parks on his scooter, which is not blue but turquoise, and swimming laps in local pools with a water noodle. He paints pictures; of ladybugs in tall grass, a melancholy dog sniffing flowers, reindeer in a snowy forest. When he grows up, he wants to be a T. Rex. For now, he is a kid who is 4.
“And three-quarters,” he says, wriggling around on the sofa in his Toronto living room. He is a kid who is 4 and three quarters. The soon-to-be senior kindergartener also possesses intelligence rare and remarkable for a child so young. At 18 months old, Osher could count to 10. At 20 months, he could spell his name.
He taught himself to read before the age of 2. He became fascinated with geography, memorizing 10 countries and capitals, then110. Osher is now the youngest Canadian member of Mensa, the society for people with high IQs. He knows nothing about his giftedness, for now. His parents just want him to be a kid.
Lori Ahn-Clifford was at first reluctant to speak about her son’s abilities.
She has seen how academically advanced children are often stereotyped as awkward child geniuses or robot kids exclusively focused on achievement — one-dimensional portraits that don’t reflect their broader interests and abilities, or their personalities.
She has also seen the parents of gifted children unfairly accused of “hothousing” or “tiger parenting” their kids, when many are simply doing their best to manage a delicate balancing act: staying attuned to their child’s naturally advanced pace without giving them too much or too little encouragement.
“Most parents don’t realize that it’s the child that has the really strong desire to learn these things,” she said, not the parents pushing them.
Lori wanted it to be clear that she and her husband did not sign Osher up for the high-IQ society as a marker of accomplishment.
When Osher was in preschool, Lori searched for enrichment programs she thought he might enjoy and came across an online chess class offered by the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth, which she discovered after striking out looking for gifted programs at her son’s age level in Toronto. An IQ test was a prerequisite for enrolment, so she and her husband decided to have Osher tested, explaining to him only that he was going to “play some fun games with someone today,” Lori said.
Lori is not comfortable revealing the result of the test, but it was extraordinary. When Mensa came up in a conversation, Lori initially brushed it off, but then wondered if membership might connect Osher with other gifted children. So far, he has had no trouble making friends in his class at school, but they don’t always share the same interests. Lori sent in the Mensa application and inquired about kids Osher’s age.
“We got crickets,” Lori said. “We were looking for a tribe, and there was no one.”
Parents of gifted learners will find no shortage of disconcerting stories online about the pitfalls of exceptionality, with headlines like, “Young, gifted and likely to suffer for it,” and tales of so-called child prodigies who buckled under the weight of high expectations.
Prodigiousness “looks from a distance like silver, but it comes with banks of clouds,” Andrew Solomon, a Cornell University psychiatry professor, wrote in an essay for the New York Times adapted from his book, Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity.
“While it is true that some parents push their kids too hard and give them breakdowns, others fail to support a child’s passion for his own gift and deprive him of the only life that he would have enjoyed,” Solomon wrote. “You can err in either direction.”
Every child is different and there is no clear line between support and pressure. Studying the families of gifted children, Solomon wrote, “I gradually recognized that all parenting is guesswork, and that difference of any kind, positive or negative, makes the guesswork harder.”
Lori, an online marketing manager, and her husband, Michael Clifford, a web designer, did not immediately register Osher’s abilities as remarkable. He was their first child, so they had no point of comparison. “We sort of had an inkling he was ahead, we knew other kids his age weren’t counting yet, but we didn’t think it was a big deal,” Lori said.
Sometime between 18 and 24 months, Osher developed a deep interest in sounds and the alphabet. “We were about to teach him letters, but then we
“While it is true that some parents push their kids too hard and give them breakdowns, others fail to support a child’s passion for his own gift and deprive him of the only life that he would have enjoyed.” ANDREW SOLOMON PSYCHIATRY PROFESSOR
realized he already knew how to read,” Lori said. He could sound out and read words they wrote on paper — “stop,” “here,” “top.” They were blown away.
Recognizing his interest in words, Lori and Michael began to introduce him to new things. They hung a world map in their living room and taught him countries and capitals, which he loved. He learned 110, then lost interest. They switched to a periodic table. He memorized 66 elements before growing tired of that, too. Lori said they have been careful never to push anything beyond his interest.
In the past, children like Osher may have been called a “genius” or a “child prodigy.” Now many psychologists and educators recommend steering away from such terms, and even “gifted” is falling out of favour. (“Advanced learner” has become a popular alternative.)
“We don’t particularly like the word ‘gifted’ because it sounds exclusive or elitist and that’s neither descriptive or helpful,” Lori said.
The research of Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, who spent decades studying achievement and success, has been pivotal in changing the thinking on how to raise and educate children with extraordinary abilities. Dweck advocates fostering a “growth mindset,” which encourages motivation and productivity, rather than a “fixed mindset,” which assumes ability cannot change.
Lori and Michael are trying to foster a growth mindset. “All kids need to be challenged,” she said. “If they’re not challenged they don’t learn how to face failure” and may face the consequences later in life.
The “gifted” label may sound like a
privilege, but it can be a lifelong challenge for parents. “In many ways, it’s no different than being told your child has a learning disability,” said Dona Matthews, a Toronto psychologist and author or co-author of several books, including Beyond Intelligence: Secrets for
Raising Happily Productive Kids. “When your child has special learning needs, you’re going to be dealing with that as a parent through to the end of their education.”
Matthews recommends parents avoid the label of giftedness, except for in the educational system, where they may have to advocate for appropriate learning opportunities. Parents should strive to give their children “age-normal” experiences, she said. “Your child is a child first, remember that,” she often tells the families she works with. “Don’t let this gifted thing take over. It’s not the most important thing about your child.”
“Remember that there’s a whole lot of learning in life that has nothing to do with giftedness — learning about how the world works, how to interact with people, social and emotional learning.”
Lori and Michael seem to have adopted that wisdom as part of their parenting approach. Osher enjoys rock climbing, birthday parties, playing piano. He loves playing Prodigy, a web-based math game, and thinks it’s super-cool that his dad is the game’s lead designer. He sometimes zones out in front of the television. He attends music and culture festivals with his parents and little sister. He continues to play chess and show a deep interest in math. So far, public school is working well for Osher, although his mother recognizes that this could change in the next few years, since gifted programs are not offered in Toronto schools until Grade 3. “We’re just taking it day by day, and seeing where he goes,” Lori said.
One day in early summer, Osher was in his family’s backyard in midtown Toronto, humming, stepping carefully across the small ledges that separate garden from grass, making a balancing game out of it. His parents watched from a distance, smiling and speaking quietly to each other. They expected Osher to be shy with visitors, but are delighted to see his playfulness and caring nature.
Osher hides, giggling, in a nook behind the shed. He rides backward on his scooter. He shows a great affection for living creatures, even the local backyard pests. “Squirrels are so beautiful,” he says. “Do you know what I want to do with them? Hug them.” He bends down to inspect the tiniest of ants, and says, “I love you.”
Later, reflecting on Osher’s future, Lori’s hopes for him didn’t sound any different from what most parents want for their children. “We want Osher to grow up and be a happy, well-adjusted person who respects his peers and contributes meaningfully to society. Everything we strive for and all of our parenting decisions are made with that in mind.”
For Osher, learning is fun. In a family video taken when he was in his geography phase, he hops around as he rhymes off countries and points to them on a map attached to the wall. He finds Brazil, Peru, Zimbabwe, New Zealand, Iran, India, Japan, Kazakhstan, China. “OK, it’s time for bath,” his mother says. Osher hops around again with a thump, thump, thump, then points to one more: “United States of America!”
“We want Osher to grow up and be a happy, well-adjusted person who respects his peers and contributes meaningfully to society. Everything we strive for and all of our parenting decisions are made with that in mind.” LORI AHN-CLIFFORD OSHER’S MOTHER