Rapper’s blast gives Musk more trouble he doesn’t need
Elon Musk is now in the crosshairs of investors, stockholders, short-sellers, market regulators and, most terrifying of all, Azealia Banks.
I realize Musk is a genius. But whoever let Banks into his life is a moron. When this rapper drops insults, they are all-devouring. She makes Donald Trump look like Dora the Explorer. If Billboard charted name-calling, Banks would be No. 1 every week.
Banks has called Cardi B an “illiterate, untalented rat.” Action Bronson, she notes, is a “bootleg ghost face.” She levelled a racist attack on Zayn Malik in 2016 that got her suspended from Twitter. She has hurled invective at Kendrick Lamar, Eminem, A$AP Rocky, Beyoncé, Pharrell Williams, Rita Ora, Nicki Minaj, Iggy Azalea and countless others.
To appreciate just how deep Banks can worm under the skin of an enemy, I direct you to a 2014 retort from rapper T.I. who, in one severely hyphenated post, described her as a“mustymouthed-thot-bot-bad-body-syphilis - lipped-rectum-vomit-unimportantugggggly-monstrosity-of-a-maggot -ass BIIIIIIIITCCHHHH!!!!!!”
I suspect Musk may understand the sentiment.
So what exactly is going on here? Let’s start on Aug. 10, a fateful day during which Banks visited Musk’s Los Angeles home, setting in motion the summer’s most bizarre feud.
Banks arrived at Musk’s house, she claims, to work on a project with Grimes, the Canadian musician he was dating.
But there was a calendar snafu and as Banks arrived, Musk and Grimes were departing for DefCon, a hacking conference.
So Banks and her short fuse were left alone in Chez Musk for the weekend, an experience she likened to Get Out.
And this is where the story flies off the rails.
By that Sunday, presumably still unable to find the front door, Banks’ inner demon turned its pitchfork on the hosts who were still MIA. In a series of now-deleted Instagram posts, she implied Musk was on acid a few days earlier when he tweeted, “Am considering taking Tesla private at $420. Funding secured.”
That unorthodox plan set off a firestorm of lawsuits and scrutiny from regulators. Banks was just getting started. She speculated her invitation to Musk’s house was not about music and “probably some weird threesome sex s--t to begin with.”
By the next day, Musk, still reeling from fallout over the tweet, was now fielding media calls about Azealia Banks. He told Gizmodo he had never met her. This did not sit well with Ms. Banks, who promptly shared text messages with Business Insider before again grabbing her insult bazooka.
She aimed low, suggesting Musk is “a beta male who took steroids and got hair plugs to convince himself he was alpha.” In what is likely the end of any collaboration, she called Grimes a “dirty-sneaker-inbred-out of the woods-Pabst beer p---y methheadjunkie running around town telling EVERYONE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM.”
She brutally mocked Musk’s appearance — “his grey lips,” “froggy eyelids,” irregular hair-growth pattern, “pork skin” — before questioning his species.
“I wouldn’t give the credit of calling him an alien,” Banks wrote, “He’s a mutant.”
Three days later, the besieged porkskinned mutant revised his never-metthis-woman line. As Musk told the New York Times: “I saw her on Friday morning (Aug. 10), for two seconds at about a 30-foot distance as she was leaving the house. I’d just finished working out. She was not within hearing range. I didn’t even realize who it was.” This, too, did not sit well with Banks. On Saturday, she posted a text exchange, allegedly with Grimes. You know, girl-talk about Musk’s genitalia and accent. In one message, Grimes addressed the $420 stock price Musk tweeted about, explaining he’s “super entertained by 420,” a number that has special meaning to weed enthusiasts.
Banks replied by saying she can see children in “the invisible world.” Sweet dreams, everyone. Musk and Grimes have since unfollowed one another on social media. By Monday, the Tesla founder deleted his Instagram account. And now Banks is accusing him of a) tapping her phone and b) having his lawyers confiscate it. He denies both charges. But back here in the visible world, this much is clear: it’s time for Elon Musk to be single for a long while. That’s not a shot at Grimes, who is probably looking into the Witness Protection Program. All I’m saying is Musk’s love of being in love — “I will never be happy without having someone,” he once told Rolling Stone — is wreaking havoc on his professional life. His heart is working against his brain. If he had never dated Grimes, Banks would’ve never entered his orbit and this sordid drama would’ve never come to pass. But Azealia is now Musk’s Omarosa. She is a woman scorned and a diss expert who is carrying on like she’s in a rap feud with the chief executive of a publicly traded company who, deep down, probably doesn’t know a Dominique Young Unique from a Kreayshawn.
Musk, a twice-divorced, manic creator of electric cars and spaceships, needs to take an immediate sabbatical from romance. He needs to learn to be happy by himself before he can ever be happy with someone else.
Or he needs to find a new dating pool and stop courting celebrities.
Elon, the best part about settling down with a loving engineer or rocket scientist?
Neither will ever let Azealia Banks into your house.