My boss is unaware of bullying, toxic employee
Q: I recently turned my life around, avoiding wrong influences from my severely abusive partner of several years. I was self-medicating pain and trauma through substance use.
I’m now enjoying a healthy life, making positive choices, in counselling and in close relationships I’d neglected when under my ex-partner’s control. Back now in my hometown to be closer to my daughter and family, there’s temptation to use (drugs/alcohol) all around me, including being abandoned by a few family members.
But I’ve joined a church and reconnected with other positive family there. I also recently started working for a small company.
However, I’m often scheduled to work with a very negative co-worker who, alongside another coworker, regularly hints at drug use as the reason for my small frame.
Every positive thing I say or do is critiqued or disregarded. I often leave work feeling harassed and drained.
Other co-workers have told me how opinionated and rude the bully was to them their first year. Even the bully’s sidekick snarls that I better respect her.
Do I quit and let the bully win? The boss may be unaware of the negative morale her toxic employee is causing. I don’t want to cause problems, but the bully needs to be accountable. Stand Up or Give Up?
A: Your health and self-confidence matter most. You’ve made remarkable gains through emerging from an abusive and addicted lifestyle.
Now, drawing on your inner strengths, you can’t let this bully get away with this assault on your well-being.
You’re not alone. According to Ontario’s Workers’ Health and Safety Centre, almost half of Canadian workers feel bullied on the job.
In the U.S., a 2017 National Survey defined workplace bullying as “repeated mistreatment of an employee by one or more employees; abusive conduct that’s: threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, work sabotage, or verbal abuse.”
Some 60 million Americans are affected by workplace bullying.
The hard work required for your healing process proves you clearly have courage.
That’s what gets a bully riled up … because many are cowards, afraid that others will show them up for having lesser skills to attract respect by other means than to demean and abuse others.
Keep a private home-based record of this bully-team. Document the dates, times and details of each incident that occurs. Record bullying of others by this person which you’ve seen or been told about.
If the bullying occurs in email, texts or correspondence, keep a hard copy of the trail of emails and texts and file them in a separate folder.
Set your own limit on what you’ll tolerate and know when you must report the bullying.
It’s crucial that your personal limit on ignoring it or walking away must come before you feel helpless and ready to self- medicate again.
Seeking help from HR, or your boss, is not “making trouble.” If you also document the bully’s effect on business results due to employee discomfort, your records reveal that the bully is killing business.
When necessary, march into your boss’ office or HR with your report, and say that you cannot allow yourself and other co-workers to be hassled and tormented by this nasty twosome any longer. Ellie’s tip of the day Tolerating a bully’s behaviour gives permission for the bullying tactics to continue. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice. Expert advice. In your inbox: Sign up for the Star’s advice newsletter, get the latest on relationships, etiquette and more.