UNCENSORED

Perry poops on pop peer

“I knew it wasn’t — the hair was too clean.” KATY PERRY, on the fake Justin Bieber seen eating a burrito sideways

Dude, calm down, you sound like the President

“It’s time for me to kill that old bitch.” TYLER PERRY, on Madea

That way you could tell him to shut up and enjoy a rainbow in silence

“I want Neil DeGrasse Tyson to be my best friend.” KENAN THOMPSON

Sorry, what did you say?

“Don’t expect men to read between the lines when we’re barely reading the lines.” RON WHITE