I had walls up, but told myself to have fun
Chat at a bar between acquaintances led to a dog walk to remember
Rafael is a 33-year-old engineer who lives in midtown. He says, “I’d call my style ‘stylishly casual.’ I like to wear nice jeans and clean sneakers, but I’ve grown out of wearing T-shirts and hoodies every day.” Rafael says, “I’ve heard people say I’m the ‘friendliest person’ they know. I’m always cracking jokes and having a good time. I’m honest and reliable, and compassionate and supportive.” Rafael loves “being immersed in nature.” He says, “I like smart, self-aware, worldly and confident partners. I like when someone has things to say: experiences behind them and stories to tell.”
I had been single for a few months when I met Quinn. After my last relationship, I had planned on a period of exploration. Leading up to the date with Quinn, I was mindfully taking my time, being honest about not moving too fast with anyone, and getting to know a few different people.
Quinn and I actually met a number of times in passing, through friends. This happened every few months for over a year before we had a chance to really talk. At a comedy show, we found ourselves chatting at the bar, and within a minute or two I realized we were flirting and that I was interested. I had this thought, that I’d never had so soon after meeting someone, which was: “I could date this person for real.”
I liked her style, and that she was clearly intelligent and interesting. We were having a more serious conversation, but we were also joking and laughing.
I decided to ask her out on a date. I was explicit, using the exact words: “Would you like to go on a date with me?” She said yes with a smile on her face, and then we shared a celebratory high five. I took her phone number and sent a text the next day to ask her if she’d like to come on a hike with me and my dog.
I thought that going on a dog walk was a good first-date activity. We could stroll and talk, and the dog is a nice distraction if the conversation doesn’t flow. It wasn’t too much too fast. Din- ner can feel full of intimacy and pressure sometimes.
Most of my previous romantic interests had been outdoorsy, so when Quinn came out for the hike in sandals instead of boots, I had my doubts that it would work. I’ve also been on a few great first dates that didn’t really go anywhere, so I had some walls up. I told myself to just keep it casual and fun.
We found we had a lot in common, and we laughed a lot. Her confidence and intelligence were so attractive. We talked about school, work and our mutual friends. We talked a lot about food: what we like to eat and what we like to cook. We realized that we had both gone on the same silent meditation retreat, at different times. We talked about that experience, how difficult and challenging and amazing it was.
I had written a poem about meditation. She was interested in hearing it, and toward the end of the walk we stopped in an open area in the sunshine and I performed it for her.
There’s a stream at the end of a trail, and we took off our shoes and socks and waded into the water. I had brought a container of raspberries, blackberries and strawberries, and we stood in the water sharing the snack. By the time we got back to the car, I knew that my offer of going to get a bite would be well received. We dropped off my dog and got some takeout burritos. I offered to pay, and although she said it wasn’t necessary, Quinn was genuinely appreciative when I insisted. She said she’d get the bill “next time.” We went back to her house and sat on the lawn eating our burritos and chatting and losing track of time.
I definitely wanted to see her again, so I invited her over for dinner later that week. She accepted the offer. We’ve now been dating for well over two years.
Rafael rates his date (out of 10): 9 Have you ever been on a great, terrible or just crazy winter, holiday or New Year’s date? Tell us about it for the Dating Diaries! Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com with the details.