You must discuss what happened in Vegas

Q: I’m a single male, 29, never married. I have a great job and good income, having pretty much followed a direct path toward it. Some of my friends are engaged or married, on tighter budgets. But it’s my closest married friend with a couple of young kids, who’s upset me recently. Agroup of us were invited to celebrate one friend’s 30th birthday, during a Las Vegas weekend. Everyone was excited about it, but I saw that my buddy was holding back on accepting.

So I offered to pay for his flight/hotel package, knowing he was unlikely to ever pay me back.

He accepted, we all went to Vegas, but things went downhill there. He never even offered to pay for a round of drinks. He’d order an expensive dinner and fancy cocktails along with the rest of us, and not toss in his credit card with the rest when the bill came. He even used the old trick of disappearing to the washroom or to make a call home.

The guys started to grumble to each other, but I said we shouldn’t ruin the trip. We’re back home and I don’t know what to say or do. Do I owe the other guys a share of the extra money they paid to cover my friend taking advantage of them? Or, do I pull away from a longtime buddy because he stiffed everyone and embar- rassed me?

Very Disappointed

A: You were a generous friend, but not a prudent one.

Knowing his circumstances, you should’ve asked him whether, if his fare was paid, he could afford the food, drink and other extras of a getaway.

I’m not blaming you. He abused your friendship with his cheap tactic of stonewalling when the bill came.

But none of you are kids. The entertainment/dining costs should’ve been no surprise. Everyone carried on without addressing the obvious: He simply couldn’t afford the Vegas dinner menus.

But he might’ve been able to save face if he’d been told it was his turn to treat everyone to a pizza lunch and beers.

Weigh the friendship — whether a past bond can bridge your different circumstances.

If yes, talk out what happened in Vegas. Don’t let it stay there. Feedback regarding the man whose wife had an “emotional affair” with her bootcamp trainer (Jan. 3):

Reader: “Your wife says she is willing to do everything possible to rebuild your relationship. You are doing a lot, making helpful changes.

“The least she could do is not only find a new trainer, but she should move to another gym.

“This move should come from her if she really has any empathy for the hurt and humiliation she has caused you.

“You wrote about this being the worst weeks of your life and ‘dying inside’ every time she still goes to boot camp.

“This feeling is going to fester over time and will probably lead to depression and possibly ill feelings toward your wife.

“If she won’t change gyms, you should insist on counselling. I think you should also show her your very moving letter to Ellie.

“Your wife’s asking a lot from you. You’ve accepted her statement that she’s never stopped loving you, and that nothing physical occurred with her trainer despite their stating love for each other. You say your wife’s happy. I’d think so, as everything is back to normal for her, and she hasn’t suffered any consequences.” Ellie’s tip of the day

Don’t lend money for something the recipient still can’t afford to enjoy.