WellnessThe trap
Society is obsessed with healthy living trends, from green juice to meditation. But what if all this self-care is stressing you out?
To all the wellness regimens I’ve loved before: It was me, not you. I had the best intentions, but it wasn’t the right time. I wasn’t ready. I was juggling too many of you at once. But why do I feel so guilty for ghosting you?
Well, to start with, I’m reminded of my failures every time I go on social media. When I double-tap a Pilates-influencer post, I feel a pang of regret that I haven’t gone to a class in weeks (#fitfam). “That green goddess juice looks YUM,” I comment on a food blogger’s feed as I look longingly at my second helping of pasta (#eatclean). “Do I need to buy micellar water?” I ask below a YouTube video of a model’s skin-care routine while contemplating throwing out an entire dustcovered shelf of my medicine cabinet (#glowup).
It’s no wonder I’m haunted by the ghosts of wellness regimens past, present and future. This is a $4.2-trillionglobal industry that permeates our peer groups, workplaces, personal budgets, social media accounts and leisure time. I lap up its new trends because if I’m not trying to better myself, what am I doing?
“There’s always been a strong push for self-improvement in women,” says Jessica Preiss, wellness co-ordinator at Toronto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. “‘How will you lose that baby weight?’ ‘Why aren’t you going to yoga?’ ‘Have you tried this diet?’ There’s always a new health trend, and it’s stressful to Wellness is now a $4.2-trillion global industry that permeates our peer groups, workplaces, personal budgets, social media accounts and leisure time.
constantly keep up with the Joneses of wellness.”
It’s no wonder that whatever health fad we’re on gets kicked to the curb so quickly when we usually feel like we’re failing at them. Only 36 per cent of women would say that they meet their healthy-eating goals and 29 per cent feel they succeed in their efforts to be physically active, per an American Psychological Association study.
That’s partly because these goals can start to feel like yet another full-time job, piled on top of all our other responsibilities.
According to Statistics Canada, career women still perform disproportionately more household duties than men. As a result, 48.9 per cent of women aged 25 to 54 say they don’t accomplish what they set out to do each day, and a similar number feel constant stress from biting off more than they can chew.
“Women have to get over their Superwoman expectations of themselves,” says Kasandra Monid of ThinkLife Coaching. “Too often, we juggle work commitments and family needs at the expense of our own well-being.”
When shouldering so much, why are women so hard on themselves? Preiss and Monid agree that we’re short on selfcompassion, which is key to actually reaching wellness goals.
“You’re never going to be able to do it all, so pick and choose what works for you, and give yourself a break if you fail,” Monid says. “Our failures give us a better understanding of ourselves.”
“Check in with yourself and ask, ‘What do I need right now?’ ” Preiss says. She sees wellness as a pie with seven slices: emotional, mental, financial, spiritual, occupational, physical and environmental. If one’s out of whack, they all are.
“It’s about balance. If you’re feeling totally drained, maybe you need to skip the gym and, instead, meal prep and sleep, or spend some time with your best friend. You’ll be energized to hit the gym tomorrow.”
She’s a proponent of setting “SMART” objectives: “Make your goals specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic and timely.”
Instead of saying, ‘I’m going to start going to the gym,’ make a plan to work out for 30 minutes three times this week. Then reassess.
To give yourself a fighting chance of meeting these goals, try to be flexible about them and think about adding enjoyable rituals to your life rather than cutting out certain behaviours. For example, “healthy eating isn’t about depriving ourselves of our favourite foods, but instead enjoying them in moderation and adding nutritious ones to the mix,” Monid says.
Whatever you do, don’t let your health goals burn you out and add to your stress.
“We only have so much fuel in our tank, so don’t let it deplete by the end of the day,” Monid says. “Find ways to conserve your energy, whether by letting go of perfectionism, delegating more or taking small breaks more frequently.”
It seems obvious, but at the end of the day, all of this selfcare should be making you feel better, not worse.
“Healthy living isn’t one-sizefits-all,” Monid says. “It should have you feeling strong, grounded and healthy — and it should be bringing you joy. If it’s not, reassess.”
So, sorry-not-sorry I left you in the lurch, boot camp; I just wasn’t feeling you this week (and that’s OK). Juicing, we had a good run, but you took up too much time and energy (and I forgive myself). I’m just not the sentimental girl you’re looking for, journaling (and I don’t have to be). Oh, hey, Pilates … what’s up? Let’s reconnect. I’ll pencil you in this week.