How to talk to your tweens about body odour
For most of us, the topic of puberty doesn’t evoke fond childhood memories. The word alone — puberty — conjures the need to stockpile zit cream and blare grunge music.
As tough as the tween and teen years were, watching your kids experience them can be just as challenging, especially when it comes to the awkward topic of hygiene. I asked some experienced parents for advice.
Prepare kids early The first conversation can be a struggle. “Convincing tweens that they smell bad is a big challenge for most parents,” says Deborah Gilboa, a doctor and mother of four boys.
“That’s because the child’s brain makes that kiddo ignore their own smell in order to pay attention to what’s happening nearby. So when a tween says, ‘I don’t smell anything!’ they are telling the absolute truth.”
Gilboa says that bringing up the topic early on can temper resistance and embarrassment later on.
“I’d suggest talking to all kids about these issues by age 9 at the latest — whether it’s an issue for that child at that age doesn’t matter — it will certainly be part of what they’re hearing about during social time by age 8 or 9, and getting to our kids before their peers do gives us much stronger communication patterns.”
If you’re feeling unsure about your message-delivery skills, some age-appropriate reading can get things moving. Gilboa recommends Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys and The Care and Keeping of You for girls, both published by the American Girl company.
Lead with sincerity Acknowledging adolescence in our kids means letting go of their smallness, which comes with its own brand of grief. Although it may be tempting to mask your sadness with humour, even goodnatured teasing can feel like an attack to a child already dealing with the embarrassment of recent changes. When having the body odour conversation, your tween “will likely laugh, want to walk away or feel uncomfortable, but you can validate those feelings,” says Kelley Kitley, a licensed clinical social worker and mom of four.
Kitley encourages parents to let their kids take the lead when it comes to expressing emotions to help them feel secure in what will become their new normal.
“Lead with something about the importance of moving our bodies and nutrition, then transition into showering and body odour,” she says. “There’s a high likelihood they’ve seen either parent use deodorant, and you can suggest the two of you go and pick out something of their liking.”
Encourage personal choice Tweens are likely to feel more empowered in puberty if they’re allowed to choose their own hygiene products. For Jennifer (who asked to use her first name only to protect her children’s privacy), this strategy, and a few reminders, worked well.
“For my son, who is 11, we spoke to him when he’d get in the car after school and he was stinky. We reminded him to use antibacterial soap for his pits while showering, and then we had him pick out his own deodorant at the drugstore,” she says. “Our daughter, who’s now 14, decided herself about two years ago that she needed deodorant. Again, we let her pick out what she wanted.”
Don’t rely on the internet Luz Claudio, a mom and professor of children’s environmental medicine and public health at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, notes online information is often not specific enough, and sites such as YouTube is the monetization of content, something Claudio notes can be misleading. If your kids prefer browsing to books, sites such as amaze.org are full of ad-free articles.