Be cool when dealing with angry people
Anger can grow over time if it’s not dealt with, so don’t wait too long
Do you have a friend, co-worker or spouse who is always flying off the handle?
You might be dealing with someone who’s never matured, someone with a big ego, or someone with bipolar disorder.
Before you get tempted to push any wrong buttons, use your logic. Take a look at the control you do have with such people.
Taking control means you’ll likely have to go into “warrior mode” yourself. You’ll have to take charge and do something positive that requires a stretch.
“My brother-in-law Donald, who served a lot of time in the military, was suffering from post-traumatic stress,” says a banker we’ll call Brad. “He would go nuts and turn over tables. I was worried for my sister and her kids.”
Brad ended up getting his sister and his brother-in-law to visit a counsellor. “But,” Brad says, “I went to the counsellor first. Then I asked my sister to join me.”
Together, they invited Donald to join them for additional sessions.
“It’s easier to open a door, if you’re already involved in counselling,” Brad says. “I told my brother-in-law that I was interested in helping him heal. He balked at first, but finally, he agreed to join my sister and me.”
Here are some tips for helping angry people:
Talk about better communication, not tempers. Tell someone: “I’d like to communicate better with you. I need you to tell me how to do that. I’m failing miserably.”
Present yourself as non-judgmental. Don’t say, “You act like a fool.” Do say, “I think this anger is hard on you.”
Declare that you believe answers are out there. Even if someone in your family is bipolar, state that solutions can be found. Say, “You’re going to feel better when you take charge of your health and well-being.”
“Angry people are very frustrated people,” says a psychologist friend of ours we’ll call Sherry. “It’s easy to go from stressed to frustrated to angry. It’s when the anger becomes verbal or physical violence that we know something must be done.” She goes on to say that thoughtfully listening to an angry person can diffuse a lot of pain. But, she also emphasizes that anger from childhood can be too deep for friends to help diffuse.
“Counselling is a little more intense,” Sherry says. “People can open up more with a stranger, meaning a psychologist, than a friend or family member.” Some angry people might have physical issues, as well.
For example, those with blood sugar problems, such as diabetes or hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) can experience anger and irritation quite often.
“I used to explode with anger when I’d missed a lot of sleep,” says a sales rep who travelled for a pharmaceutical company. “You need to investigate why the irritation is present. In my case, I switched jobs. I can’t deal with irregular sleep, and I had to face this.”
Bipolar disorder involves issues with brain chemistry, so this requires an expert to intervene. In order to get help for someone suffering from this illness, you will likely have to bring them printed information on the subject.
They’ll have to come to the conclusion they need professional help. Offer to help them make an appointment and go with them.
Anger that is not dealt with only grows over time. Don’t wait until it reaches the danger level. Intervene early on, if you possibly can.