It’s all coming up roses
Want the coolest looking and probably best-performing SUV around? Look no further.
The name Alfa Romeo brings to mind (depending at least partly on your age): the place where Enzo Ferrari got his start; the designer of the first modern transverse-engined front-wheel drive small car, seven years before the Mini (although the Alfa never reached production); the manufacturer of some fantastically gorgeous yet fantastically unreliable sports cars in the 1960s, one of which Benjamin Braddock (played by Dustin Hoffman) drove across the San Francisco Bay Bridge in the movie The Graduate; the manufacturer of the brilliant, yet polarizing, midengined Spider sports car; the Formula One race team for which Kimi Räikkönen drives.
Or for some of you, possibly it is completely unknown.
“Alfa” is an acronym for “Anonima Lombarda Fabbrica Automobili” (hence, never “Alpha”), which translates to “Lombardy Car Manufacturer Limited.”
The company dates back almost to the turn of the last century. The “Romeo” part of the name stems from Nicola Romeo, who took the reins in 1915.
It has operated under many different regimes since, and is now part of the Fiat Chrysler Group.
Alfa has been stringing together a series of new vehicles over the past couple of years, offering North Americans cars with considerable Italian flair in both design and performance.
And like everybody else, Alfa has to offer an SUV.
It’s called Stelvio, after a breathtaking pass through the Italian Alps.
It comes in a variety of guises, starting at $51,485. My tester was the absolute top of the line Quadrifoglio model, which begins at a breathtaking $95,000.
Yep, almost double the base car, although it’s in the same ballpark as comparable German or British entries.
It’s a gorgeous thing — not your typical two-boxes-onwheels Sport Utility Vehicle.
The sloping roofline adds considerably more “sport” at the expense of some “utility.”
A fair trade, says I. When do you ever load an SUV to the gunwales? You get to gaze at this car’s beautiful lines every time you get in or out.
And the Misano Blue Metallic paint job on my tester might be the best $700 option you ever bought.
Only full-time four-wheel drive is offered in Canada. The Americans get rear-drive Stelvios in the lower trim levels.
The four-by-four system is not designed for rock-crawling; the car is too low to the ground for that. It’s there for performance, which it delivers in spades.
Or maybe I should say “four leaf clovers.” (Historical/geographic note: “Quadrifoglio” means “four-leaf clover” in Italian. It is the symbol and featured mark on the flag of Lombardy, the “administrative region” of Italy containing Milano, where Alfa’s headquarters have traditionally been located.)
The biggest difference in the QF (if I may shorten the designation) over lesser Stelvios is the engine. In place of a 2.0-litre turbo four, you get a Ferrariderived 2.9-litre twin-turbo V-6 that generates a lusty 505 horsepower at 6,500 r.p.m., and 443 lb.-ft. of torque, which peaks at a commendably low 2,500 r.p.m.
This makes it the most powerful vehicle in its class.
It operates through a paddleshiftable eight-speed automatic transmission. Sadly, no manual is offered.
The interior is also quite lovely, with handsome materials, nicely stitched together, with a few rough edges here and there taking the score down a point or two.
Apple CarPlay and Android Auto are both supported.
I did find the SatNav system confusing to operate, and sometimes slow to react to inputs.
Most of the controls are reasonably fathomable, although the starter button is uniquely and oddly placed on the left steering column stalk. A proper ignition key is still leagues better, but I get that I have lost this battle.
In all, QF’s ergonomics are a far cry from Alfas of old. Does anyone else remember when one Alfa model had the power window switches on the floor, under the driver’s seat?
The lovely metal steering column-mounted shift paddles do not move with the wheel like most of their ilk. Every time I drive one system, I seem to think the other way is better. You’ll eventually get used to it.
My tester came with the optional competition package, which includes carbon fibre trim and Sparco racing-style seats. These offer manual fourway adjustment, with powered height adjustment.
They are snug but ultra-supportive. I found them a perfect fit for my frame; if you’re a plussize, better try them before you buy them.
The rear seat is acceptable for two, a squeeze for three.
As noted, the cargo hold is small by the standards of the class, but it does come with a pair of rails with metal hoops on them, to which you can bungeecord your stuff to keep it from flying around when you are exercising your car.
Because exercising is really the point of the Quadrifoglio.
This mechanical package delivers a sub-four second 0 —100 km/h time, and remarkable mid-range acceleration pretty much whenever you want it.
The “pretty much” qualifier reflects the fact that from rest, there is a slight lag before the turbos kick in. It’s probably more noticeable in this car, because when you do stick your foot in it, it really does kick in.
It is accompanied by a delicious exhaust snarl, especially when you have the “DNA” dial (“Dynamic,” “Natural” and “Advanced Efficiency,” respectively) in D mode, which yields a noticeably firmer ride, although I didn’t find it horribly harsh, even on pockmarked Toronto byways.
Dynamic also sharpens throttle response, giving more immediate, crisper steering and quicker shifts.
In this mode, you also get a dashboard display of a G-force meter showing how hard you are accelerating, braking and cornering.
Fine — not that you should be looking at a display while you are driving this hard.
The Natural setting dials the fun quotient down a little when you’re just driving home, probably from the track.
Advanced Efficiency cuts everything down even more, for driving in poor weather conditions or if you just want to save some fuel. As if that is why you bought a 505 horsepower car — it really takes the fun out of it.
A fourth setting, “Race,” is just that. No directional stability control here, so you’re on your own. Probably not a good idea anywhere but on a race track.
Lots of vehicle have systems like this, but not many make such big deltas in the ways the car behaves in the different settings.
The dashboard display changes with each setting — not just the content shown, but also the colour scheme. It’s lovely to look at, even if it takes a while to learn what it’s all about.
The transmission shifts well. If you think you can do better, have a go at the paddles.
Or, you can use the shift lever, which gets it correct — back for an upshift, forward for a downshift.
No, sorry, it is not a matter of personal taste; it’s a matter of the immutable laws of physics.
Sadly, they make an increasingly common and egregious error in the shift quadrant. Repeat after me — PRNDL. Please, no more separate push buttons for park. It’s dumb, and its dangerous. Too easy to think it’s in park when it’s in reverse.
The double wishbone front / multi-link rear suspension has been firmed up in the QF for the sort of driving anyone attracted to a car like this will prefer.
The steering is, as they say, pin-sharp, with enough heft to let you know what’s happening down at the tire-tarmac interface.
The massive Pirelli P-Zero summer tires (255/45 R20 front; 285/40 R20 rear) provide grip so fantastic you won’t mind swapping them out for winter rubber when the time comes.
Brakes by the Italian race brake manufacturer Brembo bring things to a very quick stop as necessary. The pedal feel is terrific — immediate, strong, progressive.
If there is a better-handling, better-performing SUV, I could not tell you what it might be.
So far, it’s all roses for the Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio.
But one cannot overlook Alfa’s sinister reputation for reliability. Things probably have improved since the 1960s, but it is almost assuredly going to cost you more to maintain, especially as the car ages.
This will also affect resale value, which in turn affects lease rates. That’s a big caveat. But if you can live with that, and want the coolest-looking and probably best-performing SUV around, look no further.