Spare me the phoney apologies
The other day I was leaving the Y after my morning workout. I walked down a flight of stairs and pulled open the door to the parking garage. On the other side of the door there was a woman who was about to walk into the Y. “Sorry,” she said. We of course navigated our way through the momentary impasse. But I kept thinking about her “sorry.” Why did she say that? What was she sorry for? She’d done nothing wrong. I concluded that the woman was just a typical Canadian. We’re famously sorry for everything.
The country is now white-hot, digesting the ethics commissioner’s report on the SNC-Lavalin affair. It says Prime Minister Justin Trudeau violated the law by pushing too hard to get a deal to keep the company out of court, proceedings which could have led to dire consequences for the company and its thousands of employees.
The report has triggered a reflex in many people to call for Trudeau to apologize. He’s been severely criticized for refusing to say he’s sorry.
But what if he truly, deep-down-inside-his-heart, believes he’s done nothing wrong? Do we want him to apologize even if he doesn’t mean it?
He’s already taken responsibility for mistakes that he made. Taking responsibility seems to me to be more important than issuing one of those non-apology “I’m sorry if anyone was offended” apologies. The “if” makes it no apology at all.
As I said, apologizing for nothing is a Canadian thing. I’ve done it myself. Someone steps on my toes in the supermarket and I say “sorry.” It’s as if I think it was my stupidity that put my toes in a place where the other person could step on them. It’s just a nice thing to say, “sorry.” We really don’t mean it.
When the subway is delayed (again), there’s always a cheery voice that comes over the airwaves to assure me that the transit system is sorry for the inconvenience caused. I know it’s not sincere. It is polite, perhaps, but it is not meaningful.
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not recommending the advice that John Wayne gave in a 1949 movie. “Never apologize; it’s a sign of weakness.” I don’t believe that at all. I just want an apology to be sincere.
Donald Trump doesn’t believe in apologies. But when he was caught on audiotape bragging about how easy it was for him to assault women, he actually said, “I was wrong, I apologize.” Of course he mitigated the apology by claiming it was just harmless locker-room talk. So the apology probably passed his lips without stopping at his heart. It had no real value, except to get him out of some political hot water.
The verdict by the ethics commissioner is not written on stone tablets by an infallible deity. It is persuasive in its argument that the Prime Minister did wrong, but our courts hear persuasive cases every day against people who are accused of wrongdoing. Yet they are found not guilty.
It’s possible that Justin Trudeau does owe the country an apology. But if he’s going to say “I’m sorry,” it should be because he knows he did something he should not have done. He should not apologize because it’s easy and convenient and it might silence the barking critics for a bit.
Spare me the phoney and the insincere. If you’re truly sorry, say so. If you’re not, don’t pretend to be.