When Christmas is the (least) wonderful time of the year
At Christmas, people are happy all the time, right? Wrong. Despite the incessant jingle of bells and egg nog, Christmas is a tough time for a lot of people.
We’re increasingly hearing about the unique challenges of grief, depression and financial strain at this time of year. And even though what I’m about to say can be related to those hardships, it can be different too. Here it is. For many people, Christmas has become about what they think life should ideally be like.
It’s when many people want to “capture” something. And that something usually has to do with their dreams and desires for their own life. As a result, they make plans, put their best foot forward, and try to capture an experience or memory worthy of the life they would ideally like to have.
The problem is that it rarely happens. Disappointment is inevitable because life doesn’t always play out like we want it to. We orchestrate gatherings, but then certain people either don’t show up or don’t get along. We decorate and plan, but never quite recapture the nostalgia from the past, if there ever was any. We sing songs of peace, but still feel a deep disconnect within ourselves. Or maybe we just look back at the wreckage of the past year and sigh.
And then we log on to social media to discover that everyone else is having the perfectly decorated time of their lives. And yes, we know that people tend to crop arguments, tears and tantrums out of Instagram or Facebook posts. But deep down, we still wonder if other people are livin’ their dream more than we are.
By subconsciously making Christmas about what we think life should ideally be like, we create an emotional pressure cooker that is nearly impossible to survive. So, what’s to be done?
Focus on something better. In our home that something better is the birth and significance of Jesus. To be honest, it’s a work in progress. But when we shift the focus to something better — whatever your beliefs happen to be — we are less inclined to compare ourselves to other people, and will probably be less disappointed when things go off the rails.
In short, the best defence against a disappointing Christmas is a meaningful Christmas.
The people I know who have the best Christmases are the ones who go out of their way to help people who are struggling; who spend time with those who are ill or lonely; and who grow their spiritual selves. They know the gold is in the giving, not the getting.
Do those things make Christmas a perpetual smile-fest for you and yours? Not necessarily. But they do make it more meaningful.
When I think back to Bethlehem, I don’t see selfie-sticks and candy canes. I see a frightened, young mother-to-be; I see Joseph feverishly pounding on inhospitable doors; I see smelly animals and a crude manger; I hear a baby cry and a world forever changed.
For Mary and Joseph, was it ideal? I’m guessing not. It was about God coming to us personally in a baby, drawing us back to his heart, in and through the most unsuspecting of circumstances, for the renovation and healing of the world.
For a lot of people, Christmas is a difficult time, especially if it’s become about what we think life should ideally be like. But maybe we just need different ideals. The best defence against a disappointing Christmas is a meaningful one.