A better decade
Policy and cultural changes that would improve lives
One writer shares her wishlist for a promising future for parents and children,
Throughout the 2010s there were some positive evolution in the lives of parents. Culturally, there was a growing acceptance of broader definitions of a family, in normalizing same-sex-parent families and stay-at-home dads, for instance. Also a constructive dialogue about the futility of helicopter parenting and things such as trans rights emerged.
But, of course, there’s still so much progress to be made for the important job of raising kids to become more sustainable, and a better experience for everyone in the family. Looking to the decade ahead, I’ve compiled this roundup of policy and cultural changes I’d love to see.
This isn’t a list of predictions, and nor is it prescription — only your health care provider can write those. It’s simply a catalogue of wishes for a more progressive and compassionate lived experience for families in the decade to come.
That we’ll achieve equality of parental leave benefits for all families
Some good strides were made in parental leave in the latter part of this decade. In 2017, benefits were extended from 12 to 18 months, albeit at a lower rate of pay from Employment Insurance if opting for the longer term.
Then, in a sensible and evidencebased effort to chip away at the gender pay gap and further normalize the practice of dads taking parental leave, the federal government made a top-up of five to eight weeks available on a use-it-or-lose-it basis for the second parent in a two-parent family, including same-sex and adoptive parents.
This is mostly an awesome initiative apart from the fact that it makes the net number of weeks available to people raising children on their own lower than what’s available to two-parent households. That’s unfair to solo parents and their kids.
Here’s what I’d like to see happen instead. When there are at least two parents in the mix (Ontario allows for up to four adults on a birth certificate where there’s a “preconception parentage agreement” in place), the extra weeks should be contingent upon a second parent taking them. But if there’s a single parent embarking on parenthood alone, whether through pregnancy, surrogacy or adoption, those five to eight weeks should simply be added on.
Also, at a time when we’re beginning to have conversations about what a basic income looks like, perhaps we can get real about the fact that not all parents are affluent enough to take 12 to 18 months off from work.
If you’re hustling with two or three jobs just to pay sky-high rent in Toronto or another expensive Canadian city, getting by on 55 per cent of your average weekly salary to a maximum of $573 for a whole year or more is a joke. Yes, families that have household income of less than $25,921 can apply for a thing called EI Family Supplement, which will raise the monthly benefit to as much as 80 per cent of average earnings. However, it still tops out at $573 monthly, and how far does that, or $25,921, go in our city? We need a rework of the numbers.
That we’ll implement universal child care
We all know that our country faces a child care crisis that affects, most critically, the safety of our kids in care. But it also makes parents — most often moms — less able to participate fully in the workforce. Statistics Canada found last year that nearly one in 10 parents with kids under six have actually had to change jobs because of a lack of child care. If you do land a coveted daycare spot, the median monthly cost is $1,675 in Toronto, compared to $175 in Montreal, says the Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives.
That’s because Quebec introduced a heavily subsidized daycare program in 1996. And the benefits to the labour market are clear. In 2016, the year of the most recent census, labour market participation by women aged 15-44 was 81 per cent in Quebec compared to 75 per cent in Ontario, according to StatsCan.
B.C., Alberta and Newfoundland and Labrador introduced or piloted new, more affordable child care programs in 2018 in the past two years. That’s good progress, but the patchwork falls desperately short of the healthy supply of affordable child care that Canadians need, and that’s been shown to be a healthy return on investment in more progressive European nations.
That gender-reveal parties will fall out of fashion
Sure, gender reveal parties are sweet and exciting in a surprise birthday party kind of way. They’re an excuse for friends and family to get together and heap loving attention on expectant parents. And, of course, they’re utterly Instagrammable.
Still, with their outdated pink or blue binary, can we not do better in a time where we’ve woken up to the fact that not everybody is at home with the gender assigned to them at birth? Throwing a party to announce and celebrate a child’s gender before they’re even born is a little premature given what we know now.
Even for kids who are cisgender, the either-or nature of a gender story told in cake batter or balloon confetti doesn’t leave a lot of room for individual expression or empowerment.
Let’s just return to ordinary baby showers that take the focus off gender, whether the parents have decided to learn the sex of their baby or not. That we’ll let toys be toys In the same vein, I hope the 2020s will see an end to marketing toys as so clearly for either girls or boys. We’ve had good dialogue on this topic in the past decade, but not enough action. There’s still a lot of pink and purple in some aisles at the toy store.
Sure, kids often seem to gravitate toward the toys, activities and cultural icons traditionally geared to their assigned gender — even with our best efforts to promote equality at home. But moving the needle on this is going to require a concerted effort on the part of parents and educators to model a toys-are-for-everyone philosophy, to advocate for less gender-focussed toy marketing and for manufacturers and advertisers to heed that call.
That we’ll leave behind competitive parenting once and for all
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I hope that being “woke” in the 2020s will grow to include an awareness that judging other parents is passe. It’s a privilege to have the capacity and wealth to overwork decisions on parenting practices, purchases or other choices. Snobbery over which song circle and baby food brand is best for baby, or judgment about someone else’s bad moment with a moody teen at the mall, is just unproductive.
We’re all simply doing our level best to get through the week and to do right by our kids most of the time. Providing for children materially while meeting everyone’s needs — including our own — is a job we’re meant to do in community. As we look ahead, let’s remember to help each other through.