He was nice, but wasn’t as advertised
Is it even possible to meet someone the old-fashioned way?
Gwen is a 54-year-old medical professional who lives just outside of Toronto. She says, “My job has me in scrubs all day, with minimal makeup and a ponytail. I rarely ‘go out,’ but when I do, I have a very relaxed, casual style.” That said, after her relationship of many years ended, Gwen “totally revamped” her wardrobe to include some “great, stylish, comfortable outfits” for dating. Gwen loves spending time outdoors, cooking and being with animals. She is looking for a man who shows her “kindness and respect.”
After my relationship ended, I wasn’t ready to date again for about a year. When I was, it was challenging to find someone worthy of dating, or even single, in my real life, so I decided to go online. I was very specific in my profile. I’m financially secure and have worked my butt off, and I am looking forward to an early retirement. I wrote that racists, homophobes and smokers need not respond. I got nothing. I added a few more photos and took out the comments about racists and homophobes, and my inbox lit up. However, when I would bring up my hard-and-fast rule about not dating anyone who is racist, homophobic, or a smoker, I got only dead silence back. I gave up on that site.
A month or so later, I checked out a different app on the advice of a friend. She said to make sure to include in my profile that I wasn’t interested in hookups and wanted a long-term relationship, but I realized I am looking for a more casual, dating relationship. I have no interest in ever living with a man again. I love the freedom of living alone. It would be nice to have a travel companion, however, and it would be nice to be intimate again!
One thing I liked about online dating was seeing how many men were just there for sex! It was entertaining. Still, most of the men around my age seemed very needy and were looking for immediate, long-term relationships. A few even seemed offended if I didn’t respond to them quickly. Like, hey guys, I’m not tied to my phone! I also had two guys cancel on me at the last minute and not reschedule, which was disheartening.
Finally I “met” Marty online. We had a lot in common: he loved the outdoors, hiking, fishing, animals, spending time with friends and family, and wanted to travel more as well. He seemed nice, grounded, and down-to-earth. We decided to meet for dinner.
I picked a French restaurant that had great reviews, wore a new outfit, and put some product in my hair and some makeup on my face. I thought I looked great. I was actually looking forward to the date.
When I arrived, I told the hostess I was on a blind date and asked if she could sit me somewhere quiet, and said that if a guy came in asking for
Gwen, that would be me. A moment after I sat down, Marty walked up to the table, wearing what looked like old running shoes and an old pair of jeans. He also looked nothing like his profile pictures. He was years older than he was in his photos, and somewhat heavier, too. I didn’t have a problem with it, he was just not who I thought I was meeting.
He turned out to be very pleasant and polite, but our conversation focused on the weather, and a bit about our work and families. We didn’t talk about anything deep or stimulating. At one point I went to the bathroom to try to decide if I should confront him with the fact that he was using such outdated photos on his profile, or if I should just let it slide. I decided against calling him out. He was actually very nice, but there was no connection whatsoever. We both paid for our own meals.
Despite the lack of connection, Marty was eager to go out again, and texted me numerous times to try to make arrangements. I broke it to him gently that I wasn’t interested. I deleted my profile, and decided to meet someone the old-fashioned way, if that’s even still possible.
Gwen rates her date (out of 10): 3