Funerals and physical distancing in the time of COVID-19
While the number of deaths from COVID-19 remains relatively low in Canada, the physical distancing required to fight it is already affecting all funerals. Physical distancing requires sacrifices from everyone, even those in mourning.
My Uncle Tom died last week. Tom’s kindness to my father when he first arrived in Canada ensured him the title “Uncle” — something for which my family will always be grateful.
After I listened to the phone message telling me of his passing, I struggled to remember the last time I had spoken to him and realized that it had been many years. And although I’m sure we had attended some of the same family gatherings, my last clear memory was sharing a cha-cha with him at my brother’s wedding. Not long after 9/11, I remember he told me how happy he was to see me having fun because I had always been such a studious and serious child.
I know he must have been at my grandmother’s funeral, but I can’t picture it because that was during SARS. I was a new mother and my parents didn’t want me to bring my son to the funeral because he would be exposed to too many people. Instead, I attended while he stayed home with his father and I timed things so I could get back in time for the next feeding.
The weeks leading up to my grandmother’s death were hard. Hospitals were limiting visitors and my mother often found herself sitting alone at her mother’s bedside. But still, her funeral was a time we were able to mourn and get together with extended family we didn’t normally see except at large events like weddings and funerals.
COVID-19 is proving to be even harder in many ways. And we’re only at the beginning.
On the weekend, I read that things were so bad in Italy that “The local newspaper’s daily obituary section has grown from two or three pages to10, sometimes listing more than 150 names, in what the top editor likens to ‘war bulletins.’ ” And “Many funerals are taking place with only a priest and funeral home employee present, while family members face restrictions on gathering, remain in quarantine or are too sick themselves.”
Uncle Tom’s funeral was small and limited to immediate family in order to stay under 50 as per the guidelines. And even then his family was recommending most people stay away. They were planning a memorial for the summer when things, hopefully, settled down.
Many of us extended our condolences electronically. At least his immediate family could be there for each other. But if adults continue to ignore physical distancing guidelines, other grieving families may find themselves as isolated as the families in the Italian newspaper article. And that would be asking even more of those already mourning a loss.
Rest in peace, Uncle Tom. Catherine Little is a Toronto-based educator, consultant and writer.