Just stay calm: Be good to yourself
How do you avoid overload when you have time to do everything?
There has been an abundance of pressure during this pandemic to start those projects you’ve been putting off, or pick up where you left off so long ago. You have the time now! ... seems to be the message, nudging that if you aren’t doing, you’re really wasting precious time.
But shouldn’t you be focusing on your mental health and wellbeing during these tumultuous times? How do you avoid feeling like a failure when you actually have the time to do everything you’ve always wanted to?
Dr. Donna Ferguson, a psychologist at CAMH tells the Star that there’s a whole guilt thing happening.
“We need to have a new way of thinking about things. Just because you are home doesn’t mean you are lazy or have this extra time to do this extra stuff,” Ferguson said.
“Now is the time to think of ‘how can I take care of myself first.’ If you’re not good to yourself, you can’t be good to anyone else.”
What does self-care look like? It’s not just Epsom salt baths with rose petals, it’s different things for different people. She says self-care can be watching your favourite TV show, it can be going for a walk, exercising, having weird quarantine snacks (in moderation), talking to your friends on the phone, etc.
“Give yourself permission to have some downtime. Taking breaks. Resting well. Doing mindfulness. Relaxation. Anytime to have downtime especially before bed when you are wound up, so you can relax and sleep well. If you don’t you’re risking your immune system and mental health,” Ferguson said.
The key to maintaining a sense of well-being is getting up, having a routine and having clear boundaries. “We talk about what do we do for people who are depressed: behavioural activation is huge and is a component of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT,). Getting up at the same time every morning, even if you aren’t working is huge,” Ferguson said.
If you’re still working, though doing so off-site now, she suggests practicing self-care by boundary setting, so you don’t let work bleed into your downtime.
With the time you’re saving by not commuting to and from work or without clear breaks, you may be forcing yourself to work more than ever. “We are in our home environment. We know our work ethic is: we need to get things done. So you tell yourself ‘I can do just one more hour, I’m sitting here anyway,’” Ferguson said. “Now your work office is your home office. You need to say: I’m going to have a hard stop at X time and now I’m going to have time to just have dinner,” Ferguson said.
“Guilt isn’t an option,” Ferguson said.
So what are ways to get out of the rabbit hole of feeling like you’re lazy if you aren’t doing? Ferguson says in CBT, it’s about reframing thoughts.
“If your thought is ‘I’m lazy,’ I’d ask you ‘what is your evidence that you’re lazy?’ If you’re telling yourself you should be going for a walk, instead of sitting in front of your computer on a deadline, that doesn’t mean you’re lazy, because you’re getting stuff done to meet your deadline,” Ferguson said. She says this a clear way to see that your thoughts aren’t based on reality.
She suggests reframing how you think about yourself. “Tell yourself: I know I’m not a lazy person. I know I’m going to get the work done. But I’m going to pace myself through it and take time so work doesn’t consume me,” Ferguson said.
With the reframe, you can incorporate self-care tips to remove the pressure you’re creating from your inner dialogue, so you can relax. How do you do this? She suggests thinking about it almost like you’re budgeting money for rent, car payments or taxes. This is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s almost like you have to budget for your social time and time for yourself during your day.
It might feel structured and rigid to plan so specifically, but it isn’t, because it’s the only way to make time for yourself because you wouldn’t do it otherwise.
“This is a time of stress. It’s a time people are afraid. People are worried about getting sick, people are worried about dying, about their finances, how it’s going to impact their lives in the long run. Now’s the time if we don’t care for ourselves we are risking our physical and mental health. It’s crucial we practice self-care, especially now,” Ferguson said.